Bio-Dating

Its been a very long time since I last posted something, and for that I apologize. I've been quite busy both personally and professionally, but I've finally made some time to share with you my thoughts on various topics, as well as more or less let you in on some of the silliness that occurs in my everyday life.

So most recently, I was in India. I was in Gujarat, and attending several weddings, and most of the people's whose weddings I was attending were younger than me. In Gujarat, this is not good. It means that my "potato might be broken" (as my one uncle calls it) and that's why I'm not married, or that I might have some other reason as to why I'm not married. Naturally, being that I was in a country of a billion people, of which half of them think they are cupid, everyone tried to find me a suitable "life partner". In order to keep my mom from crying (and blowing a gasket!) I agreed to go "bio-dating".

I've written before, on "Bio-datas" and how they are the pimp vouchers of the Indian meat market of guys/girls in their mid-20's. Well, Bio-dating, in my opinion, is the actual process of the transaction. Now, I must tell you, that most people who go bio-dating never come out single from this process. There is tremendoub pressure on an individual to pick someone, and get married from the entire family. Everything from name calling, to begging and pleading occurs. Mothers usually lose their cool, and emotionally blackmale their children to find a spouse so they can have a dream wedding that they've always wanted. In my family, all of my cousins who have gone thru this process usually came out married. They cracked under the pressure. In any case, I had the one thing that none of my cousins had - a girlfriend back in the states. However, as I've also mentioned Patel parents, like to keep the "royal" blood in their own circles, and being that my girlfriend back home wasn't a Patel, they thought that at the very least I should see what Patel ladies I'm missing out on.

Well, as it turns out on, my parents did a piss-poor job of evaluating "the talent". They sorted out bio-datas based on education, and looks. I can honestly tell you none of them were lookers. I did however meet one girl who I like to call a "Gujrati Gold Digger" (cuz I don't see her w/no broke ...), I met a "Lovable Liar", and I even met someone who just got smacked by the shit end from the stick of life - she was hurtin. The Gujarati Gold digger showed up in her Dior Glasses and looked like she just stepped out of Pacha after doing blow and ex for about 12 hours. She said to me that "she has a short temper and wants a man that won't blow up at her when she gets mad at him." The "lovable liar" was a quiet lady who when I asked her if she knew how to speak English she said she did. Then when I asked her a question in English she had no idea what I was saying. Then in Gujrati when I asked her if she understood English, she said "yeah, I'm completely comfor-table vith it". Well, the 3rd girl, I actually felt bad for. I mean, if you took a frog and mated it with like bird, and then that creature had sex with a gorilla, it would probably look like this girl. She just didn't have much going for her, and she wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. Ironically, her uncle knew my uncle, and that family just assumed that since they knew each other, I was gonna end up takin their niece home.

All in all, I went through about 20 ladies, and as the process continued, I realized more and more what was going to happen. I was going to deny all of these ladies, and I was going to crush my parents dreams of bringing home a Patel lady. Eventually, on a cold night, when the family was sitting together, I kind of just told everyone that I'm not interested in seeing any more girls. For a moment, I think they were expecting me to tell them I was gay, in which case I might've been shot, but then when I told them about my girlfriend back home I think they were relieved.

In any case, I can tell you that the whole process is interesting. I mean there were definately some awkward moments. For example, one father sat with his daughter in the room, and in front of her asked me what kind of woman I'm attracted to physically. The whole time I wanted to tell him, pretty much the exact opposite of what you have here. There was another case where my mom started trying to freak out the other family about how religous she is. She claimed that she didn't even drink water from anywhere else but her own home, and that when she went out to other social functions she took her own water! In any case, the one thing I learned is that Americans and Indians have to completely different views on marriage. In America, a marriage is a culmination, whereas in India a marriage is just the beginning.