What is "Talkin too much?" Its just that. Its when a guy and / or girl start dating, and they can't keep their freakin mouth shut, and they ask the questions and say the things that they really don't wanna hear the answer too, but just can't keep their mouths in check and blurt these things out anyway. I can't even begin to describe how many fights can be avoided, and probably how much sex could be had in its place, if people simply just didn't ask the questions they didn't wanna know the answers to.
1. The "How Wild Were You" Conversation
This is probably the one concern all people have when they start dating someone new. They don't want to know the truth, or at the very least they want to know that they are the "wilder" one. However, as much as they try they cannot help themselves and start asking this question. Fellas, let me be the first to tell you that you will probably lose this question. No matter how much of a player you think you are, there is a good chance that the girl has probably done more freaky stuff than you, simply because its easier for her to do so. I'm sure you don't want to hear about how on spring break she was on the "Girls Gone Wild" video but it was just "innocent fun". But, it doesn't matter. Because no matter how much I tell you this, your still gonna ask "what's the wildest thing you've ever done?", and believe me, the answer is not gonna be "This one time in band camp...we got sooo drunk". More like "this one time, when me and my ex were making a video...."
2. The "How many people did you hook up with before me" Conversation
This is always dangerous. The truth is that women are like sexual ninjas and men are like sexual barbarians. Women they do their damage by using the art of deception, stealth, and speed whereas men try to do their sexual damage by being loud, making a scene, and then yelling in victory. As I learned from watching the Deadliest Warrior, the Ninja is much more effective. What I'm trying to say is that no matter how much of a player you think you were before you started dating this girl, there is a very good chance she has done more than you with more people than you. She will probably comfortably lie about this to your face, so you don't hurt your feelings and can still feel like your "the man". However, the truth hurts, and you can't handle it.
3. The "How Compatible for Each Other Do You Think We Are?" Conversation
If you don't listen to anything else, please just heed this advice. If your girlfriend asks you whether or not you think the two of you are meant for each other, no matter what always say YES! Do not, I repeat, do not ever say "we should find out". This is a one way ticket back to the no sex house, where righty and lefty are your only friends. Saying something as stupid and as irresponsible as this will probably cause your girlfriend to ask you to logon to eharmony.com and make a profile based on your "various dimensions" of compatibility. Odds are, you will find out that the ideal mate for you is a nymphomatic chimpanzee who knows how poor a cold beer and order a mean pizza. You do not want this to be the case. She will realize your not compatible, and she deserves more than a beer-pouring, pizza-ordering, chimp-loving guy.
4. The "Would you still love me if...?" Conversation
For some reason, it seems that all couples reach a point in their relationship where they are just absolutely, and truly "in love" or as I like to call it - LaLa Land. They reach this heavenly place, where nothing can take away from how much they love each other, and how much they want to be each other. Nothing of course, except their own big mouths. Most people reach this stage and they start saying "I love you" a million times more, and in public, and they make the rest of society want to puke. However, this stage does eventually get boring and they start saying stupid things. For example "Would you still love me if I gained weight?" The guy may respond, "Of course, I love the person that you are". However, the guy might come back and ask "Would you still love me if I grew bald?" The girl may probably have a similarly disgusting I love you response. However, one of the two will eventually say something like "would you still love me if I lost my job", and just to be funny the other will say "Of course I'll love you, but I'll probably have an affair on the side, just to pay the bills". This can lead to a sharp object being tossed at your head and the realization that the real product of love is much more different than it is shown in commercial advertisements.
5. The "What is the one thing you'd change about me" Conversation
I don't understand why people will never be content with themselves. However, they will always insist that there must be something their partner does not like about them. As a result they will ask "If there is one thing you can change about me, what is it?" The guy will probably respond by saying "Well, I love you exactly the way you are, but I would change the raging bitch you turn into during your period". Whereas, the girl would probably respond by saying "I wish you would stop bullshitting about how cool you think you are". Either way, your taking the relationship to an unwanted place.
Although I'm sure many of you can think of stupid conversations that new couples have, I thought I'd keep the list at five. Just remember, you can't change the past and its because we have one we are who we are today. So stop getting mad at who the nymphomaniacal, alcohol-abusing person your new love used to be and try to enjoy them for the degenerate they are today.
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