How To Tell If She is Cheating

We live in promiscuous times. The girl you're dating or the woman you married, probably gets mentally undressed, more than you care to know. However, it does not make it her fault. Its really hard to know if a woman is cheating on you or not. I mean, if a woman is good (most women are), you may go your whole life thinking you were the lucky person who never had to deal with infidelity. What I do find hilarious, is that it seems like today there are more and more experts out there to tell you if a woman is cheating. I recently came across this article that claims to do just that. Some guy who works for Men's Health tried to breakdown the type of people your girl might be cheating on you with. Well, being the friendly guy that I am, I'd like to give you my breakdown of each of his categories:

1. The Overly Interested Boss

He says to worry when she's "focused on pleasing him and not her job". Let me tell you something buddy, pleasing him is her job. When her reports are handed in on time, the boss is pleased. Of course the woman he interviewed hear is an "expert" who claims you shouldn't become a maniac (surprised? I think not!).

In any case, signs that the boss might be interested in her may include slapping her in the ass and saying "good work" like she's one of the guys on a football field, or he may tell her that you are a pathetic douche bag, and he can take her away to his summer house in the Virgin Islands and plow her for a week straight and expense the whole thing on the company. Then you might want to worry.

2. The Ex She's Still Friends With

He says that you should worry "when they talk frequently and secretly". No shit Sherlock! You should also probably worry when she lies to you and tells you that she's gonna hang with the girls and then runs off to see her Ex at his apartment, and comes home without her bra. He says a "once a year, 15-min phone call is nothing to get upset about". Which in reality just means, that was the one time you caught her.

However, I am a big believer in being friends with your Ex's, and if your girl tells you she's gonna go hang out with him, than you should probably leave her alone. After all, the same rules apply to you when you go to see your Ex playa. There is one important thing to note, if your Ex is a prostitute, than these rules may not apply to you.

3. The Ex She Still Pines For

He says to worry when "she drops his name in subtle comparisons to you". For example, when she screams his name while riding you in the bedroom. That might be a sign, that somebody else has been sharing your skirt.

Let's face it buddy, if she still wants her Ex, than your just not cutting it. He says you should "confront" her and tell her "I want to be with someone who knows what she wants." This is unbelievable! I'm no expert, but I do know, that no woman knows what she wants! She thought she wanted you when she was 12 SoCo and Lime shots in at the bar, and in the dark light you probably looked like her Ex, that's probably when she wanted you. Now that she's sober, and realizes you look like Urkel, she's probably not that interested.

4. The Hands-On Personal Trainer

You are just fucked. This guy is in great shape, he's charming, he makes your girl feel good about herself, and he gets to put his hands all over her ass and say "do you feel that in your glutes?" I bet she'll be feeling something else in her glutes before its all said and done.

He says you should worry "when she shares intimate details about him", for example the size of his cock might be an intimate detail that might give it away. But then again, I"m no expert.

5. The Smitten Suitor

He doesn't really describe where this guy fits into her life, so I'm gonna assume its the guy she met at the bar during happy hour with her co-workers, and then disappeared with for 3 hours. He says you should worry when "she ignores the situation because she hates conflict." Really? When you ask her "Where were you for 3 hours, I was with your coworkers because you told me to meet you", and all she says is "What? I was there the whole time?", and you say "But I see a hickey on your neck, and nail marks on your back" and she goes "Don't you trust me?" Then, there might be a problem.

Look fellas, the bottom line is that women are much slicker than men. Odds are if she's cheating on you or has, you probably won't know until its too late anyway. So to stress yourself out over something you probably can't prove anyway, ain't worth it. If all else fails, we always have our fortress of solitude - the strip club.