Speed Dating

So being a 27 year old single guy in the NY/NJ area can be a lot of fun. However, it can also be very challenging. As a guy your getting to that point where your parents are tired of seeing your ass not married, but you are kind of loving the freedom to do what you want, when you want. But at the same time you also realize that you ain't getting any younger, and an honest effort to find that special someone is definitely a personal obligation. So how do we go about fulfilling this obligation? Most of us tirelessly attend a smorgasbord of bars/clubs and hope that within the drunken chaos and late-night meals we may find that "special someone" thinking perhaps the woman of your dreams that you can bring home to mom, may be brought by fate to puke upon your shoes, and while holding her hair you may realize she is "special". Others start attending more family functions, and some will even start attending religious ceremonies more regularly.

However, one of the most effective things you can do is speed dating. It creates a medium where you can actually get to know someone and yet keeps things familiar because your still "out" so you are not out of your element and may even feel comfortable using a pickup line such as "I put the S-T-D in STUD but all I need is U". So not too long ago, I decided to attend such an event. I tried to convince some of my friends to join me, but none of them agreed to come, so I ventured it alone. I soon realized that I was the only idiot who showed up to this thing without a friend. I then, proceeded to call my buddy D. "D, what you doin? Its 9 PM, I need to call in a favor" I panicked into my cell phone. "I'm sleeping bro, I had a rough night last night, what's up". "Dude, I'm at this speed dating thing for South Asians, and I totally need a wing man." "Alright, I'll be there, but just because its you and I feel bad for you since you were dumb enough to show up to this thing alone".

Thank god for friends like D. Without him, I would've been the creepy guy whose drinking by himself with no friends. I'm sure the ladies would've been lining up. So my buddy shows up on about 3 hours of sleep, and in just an "I don't give a fuck" kind of mood. The whole time I was eye-ing down this cutie. For some reason, I thought that if I stared at her long enough and hard enough she would notice me and think "Gee, there's a guy I can make out with". As it turns out I don't have super powers and she didn't turn towards me. So then, I did the next best thing and said Hi and struck up a small conversation. Soon thereafter, the speed dating was about to begin. Now the way it works is you go on like 15 - 20, three-minute dates. The girls sit there, and the guys rotate. The whole time you are just a number and a name. If at the end of the whole thing you liked a girl you can circle her name on your card, and if she likes you she can circle yours. If 2 people circle each other they both get emailed.

I'm a few drinks in now, and the cutie is looking even better. She sits down at one of the tables. Trying not to seem to desperate I wait, and try to box out any other dude going in that direction. Luckily for me, my friend D, happens to be a big dude, so he helps me in creating the spacious barrier. After a few moments I approach her table and sit down. We start chatting, and hit it off pretty well. She falls for some of my jokes, and I'm doing pretty damn good. I use a smooth pick up line such as "is it me, or were you just about to ask me to make out?" "Well, if you were, you should know I don't typically agree to such propositions, but I'd be willing to help you out". I told her it was the one place where I could get away with saying something like that, and still know that at least 15 other girls will be talking to me, so I figured why not take advantage of the opportunity?

The bell rang, and my time with her was up. I proceeded on to the other dates, but I kept glancing back at her. Meanwhile, my buddy was a few Johnny-Walker blacks in, and he had no sleep. The social filter of what to say and what not to say was officially left at home. He sat down next to a girl, and soon realized they didn't have much in common. Being the smooth guy that he is he states "Listen honey, let's be honest there's nothing going on here and I really don't have anything interesting to tell you. If you like I can lie and make up a good story, but the girl sitting next to us is by herself, why don't we make this a 3-way conversation?" While he was "on a date" with one girl he started talking to another! He probably proposed an inappropriate topic such as "Sex - sport or art?" because before I knew it the 3 of them were laughing and seemed to be having a good time.

So I was cruising from date to date proposing interesting questions such as "when was the last time you had a great nap?" or "would you go lesbo for Angelina Jolie?" Finally I was on my way to the last date, and I totally caught the cutie checkin me out! It was the best part of my night, I thought I was in. I mumbled my way through the last date and I think I told her something like "Oh yeah, I'm a plastic surgeon. My specialty happens to be breast enhancement. Not to say that you need any work done, but if your interested we can certainly talk", not realizing that I just used a line that I reserve for the strip clubs. The dating was done and the drinks were flowing at the bar. By now, D had become friends with everybody in the bar, and was quite the spectacle. It was kind of a weird scene because he was calling people out and they were loving it. Its kind of like that scene in Liar Liar when Jim Carrey starts telling people things like "get a new toupee, lose some weight, and do something about your mustache lady!" It was exactly like that, but it was a bunch of girls and they were eating it up.

Afterwards, D and I went to a few other bars, grabbed some food and called it a night. The next day, I went to a happy hour, and the cutie from the night before was there. However, before I could approach her some dude had cornered her. She gave me a smile, and I smiled back, and ended up chugging a healthy vodka tonic. I ended up meeting some other girls, and in fact did get another girl's phone number that night. However, my mind was still set on this one cutie. A few days passed, and I figured I hadn't made the cut.

Then it happened. At about 2:30 AM my phone goes off showing I received an email. It was from the speed dating thing. The cutie had circled me! I couldn't even sleep after that. I tried doing some sit-ups to get a last minute 6-pack thinking for some reason I would see her tomorrow and perhaps even get lucky. I waited a day or so to make sure I didn't seem desperate and sent her an email suggesting to meet up for a drink. She found me on facebook, and be-friended me and I thought things were going awesome. I then get the message being told, that I'm too young for her. I was shocked! I've heard some bad rejection lines, the most common being "I have a boyfriend", but to be told I was too young was just embarrassing. I then found out she was 32, and I was indeed too young for her which gave me some shred of pride. I thought about convincing her I can read at a 32-year old level, but I don't think that would've worked so well. So I settled for friendship, and haven't heard from her since.

By the way, if you're interested in the speed dating you can go to www.flirteve.com and sign up. Its really cool, and they often host unique events in Manhattan such as wine or chocolate tastings, and are now spreading to other metropolitan areas. Its a great way to meet people, but I can't promise the pickup lines will be as smooth as the ones mentioned in this article. All in all, its an excellent experience and definately time well spent. I would highly recommend them for a night out that's unique and memorable.