The Stank Profile

I've come to the conclusion that although we are all unique as humans, as cultures we have several traits that help identify us and provide a common thread for people of a certain background, creed, or location. I am not a racist, or any kind of ..-cist, however I've realized that different people have different odors...which I like to call the Stank Profile.

Where did this genius revelation come from you might ask? Well, it happened yesterday evening when I was at the Ft. Lauderdale airport Chili's restaurant grabbing a bite to eat waiting for my flight to arrive. I was eating my chips, and blackbean burger, when out of no where a gentleman comes next to me and asks if the seat next to me at the bar was available. It was so I said "Its all yours". I then returned to take another bite into my veggie heaven sandwhiched between to pieces of bread with just the right amount of hot sauce, and it happened. A nauseating odor had infiltrated my nostrils. It was highly repulsive yet familiar. Then I realized, I recognized this odor from the gym. It was the stank of an African-American man-sweat (my buddy that used to spot me at the gym, stank like this all the time after some cardio).

In that instant, not only did I abandon my meal, pay my bill, and get out of there, I also realized that we as humans have a stank profile. This is the general profile of odor we emit when our deoderants and anti-perspirants have failed us. I've narrowed them down to the following:

Indians - A combination of paprika, lemon juice, & diarrhea

Blacks (by this I mean those from the islands as well as Africa...I don't mean this in a racist way) - a combination of sweat, rotten lettuce, & stale beer

Whites (non-Jewish) - a combination of burnt hot dogs, puke, and olives

Whites (Jewish) - a combination of spoiled cabbage, wet hair, and mayonnaise

Hispanic - a combination of refried-bean-fart, jalapenos, & Taco Bell meat

Oriental - a combination of burnt-oil, cough syrup, and onions

I hope I did not offend anyone by this, I was hoping to offend everyone equally. Actually, if your honest with yourself, you may even find some truth in these observations.