Some Guys Have All the Luck

Let me first start out by saying, that although we try not to do it, it almost always happen. Of course, I am talking about generalizing. We try to be better than that, however when you are confronted by certain inevitable truths over and over again, it is simply human nature to generalize. As long is it is good traits, people seem fine with it. For example, saying something like "Asians are good at math" seems to be socially acceptable. However, saying something like "man, those white guys stink at basketball" seems to get some people upset. Well, I have a a generalization today that I'd like to talk about, and I hope it is not insulting. Yes, my generalization has to do with black people. So here it goes...

I know what you're thinking I"m gonna say something about intelligence, or maybe even customer service. But you'd be wrong. My generalization, is more specifically about black guys. In my observation, which I've seen in many social settings, in many different cultures, the one thing I always seem to notice over and over again is how black dudes always get the ladies! There! I said it! Call me curious, or just stupid, however for some reason I seem to notice in every club I walk into, in every party I attend, the black dudes are always lined up with the hottest girls in the place. So being the curious adventurer that I am, I began to wonder. I wondered, what is it about black guys, that just seems to give them an edge over their competition? By competition, I mean the rest of male civilization that is not black.

To start with I threw out physical characteristics, because I'm of the opinion that you can find beautiful people from just about any ethnicity. Than I began to look for things that black guys seem to have in common, that others don't. After much pondering, I got it. Confidence! In my experience, I don't think I've ever met a black guy who simply was not confident. I used to work for a company making "cold-calls" which is a fancy way of saying telemarketing. I remember my first call I made, I got cursed at by the CEO of a company who slammed the phone in my face. My friend Michael, who was black and sat besides me saw what happened and simply said "Sheet man! You gonna let someone talk to you like that! Hell no! We don't take that shit! Man, we are doing these jerks a favor, they just don't know it. Our jobs is to make them know that we are helping them out! C'mon man! You don't let nobody talk to you that way". Michael, was a high school graduate who was working at this company to make money to help him pay for college. I was a college graduate, and I was getting schooled!

Another example of how black dudes are just confident happened to me over the weekend. I was helping out at a store, and a Haitian man walked in with a towel around his waist, a t-shirt on, and sneakers. I thought to myself "this man, must really be looking to get hammered if he didn't even have time to put something on over the towel". Another female customer looked at him, and simply said "You always wear a towel and v-neck t-shirt when you leave the house? Is that your style?" Without even being phased, he simply looked at her and said "Na, this ain't my style, but I can make it my style, if you know what I mean." He then turned around smiled, paid, and left, and that lady spent the next 5 minutes talking about him.

So it seems, that for some reason, again, in my experience that black guys just seem to have more confidence than their "competition" on a large scale. I mean if an angry CEO isn't gonna shake a black guy's confidence, than women really don't stand a chance against these guys. From spring break parties, to NYC night clubs, these guys just seem to walk around with an air of assurity, that helps them do one thing that most guys spend a good amount of time trying to figure out...how to efficiently "slay dem ho's", I mean attract women for physical intimacy. This logic seemed to make sense, and it seemed to be fairly accurate, however I still wasn't quite sure. Than a friend of mine told me "Men fall in love with their eyes, and women fall in love with their ears". This seemed to give my hypothesis a little more strength.

However, when I read "this article" I knew that I was spot on! Our Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, was visiting Kenya during her African Tour. It was during this visit that a man offered 40 goats and 20 cows for Chelsea's hand in marriage! That's right! If that's not confidence, I just don't know what is.

So yes, I did generalize. And yes, I do understand that not every black guy will be this way. However, it just so happens to be that every black guy I've met seems to be this way. So go on, wear a funny looking hat, or walk around in a towel, because as long as you know you can pull it off, you're gonna be "slayin em" I mean, catching their attention for physical attraction.

Facebook: Disconnecting People?

Hello people, I hope you're all doing well. I apologize for not posting in a while, I've been quite busy. Anyhow, I guess after all this time, the one thing I learned, is that writing is kind of like working out. No matter how long its been since the last time you did it, its always a good idea to start up again and get back into it. In that spirit, I shall try my best to keep going forward.

In any case, I was recently enjoying a lazy Sunday, and I came across this article in the Chicago Tribune about how Facebook could be destroying relationships. Are you freakin kidding me! According to the article, the new study shows that Facebook causes people to get jealous, and then go out on Facebook, and find evidence there to support their own jealous claims / thoughts. I have news for everybody. Facebook is NOT destroying relationships. PEOPLE are destroying relationships!

I love how everytime we can't control ourselves, we try to find something else to blame. The problem is not facebook, the problem is people, and their stupid jeaousies. Facebook is only a medium. Blaming Facebook for destroying relationships, is like blaming the doctor who brought you into this world, because you're homeless. He had nothing to do with it! He just brought you into the world, the fact that you suck at life, is not his fault. Just like the fact that you can't trust your partner, is not Facebook's fault. Maybe your boyfriend/girlfriend shouldn't be "Superpoking" their co-worker by giving them a digital quickie. I don't know, I just find it kind of ironic, that a group of people were paid to conduct a "study" to measure this kind of stuff. I've never been approached for this kind of study, where do they find their subjects?

Now don't get me wrong, the study is not entirely useless. There is some truth to this. If you have a lot of time on your hands, and you can check out people's Facebook status's all day long, than there is a good chance that you may find something you don't like. However, that's not the point. The point is that people are actually trying to blame Facebook for their own stupidities. For example, the relationship options on Facebook are kind of ridiculous. There is an option to say that you are "married" to someone, or even say you "hooked up" with someone. I wonder what's stopping Facebook from just putting up an option to say "Did the dirty in a highway bathroom with" as an option. I'm sure there are people in Congress that can relate. Perhaps, even an option for the South Carolina Governor could be "Flew to Argentina and had a love triangle with" as an option.

I don't know, maybe its me. However, I think at the end of the day, people need to say what they mean, and mean what they say. Its harder than you think. There isn't a Facebook option for it.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I can't take this anymore! Things are getting out of control, and someone needs to say something! Men, of all ages and backgrounds need to agree with me on this one and revolt! Yes, I'm talking about the lack of RESPECT a man has to put up with AFTER he gets into a relationship.

Let's be honest, when guys are single, they are free-willed, free-tongued, and free-spirited. When they get into a relationship, they give up some of these freedoms for love (but most times sex). However, nowadays, it seems more and more that women are taking our quietness to be weakness. It happened to me, and I was a victim, but I didn't say anything. Than I saw a buddy in the same situation. Finally, I had to speak out.

To make my point, let me give you an example:

Girlfriend: I need help with my paper, I just don't understand how derivatives are calculated in the financial market

Boyfriend: Hey sweetheart, I'm in the financial market, and I work on derivatives all day, I can help you

Girlfriend: Na, but you don't know what your talking about. This is different. You won't get it

Boyfriend: I'm telling you sweetheart, its not that complicated. Derivatives are just financial contracts, where the value of the contract is derived from something else.

Girlfriend: I don't know, that doesn't sound right. I'm gonna ask someone else.

At this point the girlfriend will then call a random friend who will tell her "Derivatives are just financial contracts, where the value of the contract is derived from something else." At which point the boyfriend will say "I told you", and the girlfriend will just dismiss him.

I don't understand how this happens. Before guys and girls start dating they are completely infatuated with each other, and there is a healthy respect for the other person's point of view. Then when you become the boyfriend you also become the dumb ass that doesn't know how to do anything. The woman completely disregards his opinions, and the stops giving a sh*t and becomes like Al Bundy. Then women wonder, why this happened.

Ladies, listen up. Just because we may not know the exact way to pick out a towel to accentuate a bathroom, doesn't mean we're not good at what we do. I once heard a girl say to her boyfriend who was a doctor, "Oh, you won't get it, I'm gonna ask a real doctor". If that was me, I'd probably knock her up and then during labor, I'd say "Oh, I'm gonna get a real girlfriend".

All I'm trying to say ladies, is that you gotta have a little faith in your instincts. Your sexual instincts told you to date/sleep-with/marry a guy for a reason. Trust your instincts, and have a little faith in your man when he tells you he can do something. Of course guys, please don't screw this up because you only get one chance. After that, you are the dumb ass that can't get anything right. You will forever be laughed at by your girlfriend's friends and will never be allowed to engage in any thoughtful conversation.

So in the words of Ms. Franklin "Yeah, baby, I want a little respect".

Stereotypes

Let's face it. As people, we are wired to generalize. Its not our fault, its just that reality can be so overwhelming at times. For example, if you go to 5 different Best Buy stores and had a miserable experience with their customer service representative, and let's say for example that all of them happen to be Black, you will assume that all Black people are horrible with customer service. Is this true? Of course not, I'm sure somewhere out there is a Black person who is also good at customer service. These generalizations, can almost occur for anything. I"m not just limiting it to race. It can be generalizations about race, ethnicity, religion, and even sex. For example, all men are horny (okay, maybe this one is true).

For the last decade or so, Indians have been working very hard to wash off some of the generalizations and stereotypes made about us. Lets be honest. Everyone always would make fun of Indians and call them smelly, weird, or people who eat monkey brains (thanks Indiana Jones). However, in the last few years with Indians cracking the top 5 wealthiest people in the world, the emergence of Aishwarya Rai, and of course Slumdog Millionaire, Brown is the new Black. Thanks to Harold and Kumar Indians can be pot heads, and Dr. Sanjay Gupta even gives us a nice little advantage in making Indians look smart.

However, morons like this guy are really not helping our cause. If you read this story an Indian dad who fathered 7 daughters has decided not to wash himself in 35 years in an attempt to hopefully father a son! What the hell man!!!!! What are you doing?!!!? He supposedly takes a "fire bath" which in his own warped freakin opinion is just as good as a "water bath" for killing germs. Of course, the rest of society disagrees and the guy lost his job, and no one wants to be near him.

I'm pretty sure that this regimen will guarantee at least one thing. He probably won't give birth to another daughter. In fact, I'll be pretty freakin surprised if anyone gets close enough to him so that he has a chance to father anything else at this point. By the way the guy is in his 60's and still gunning for a son. I guess that's another stereotype of Indians - stubborn.

Age Vs. The Indian Woman

For generations now, there has been an unspoken battle happening right before our eyes. It may not seem so obvious, but right in front of us, an epic battle has always been taking place, and will continue to do so. That is right, I am referring to the battle of Indian Women, versus Age. No matter what they try to do, Indian women (like the rest of the world) will lose to the forces of time and age. However, as most of us continue to get older and accept that we are no longer as fast or as crazy as we once were, Indian women refuse to let age take them down this way!

So what do they do? They try to defy time of course! They try to defy age, and they do this by making most men around them miserable. Whether your a son, a husband, a brother, or relative to an aging Indian women, you will have felt the fury of her trying to fight off age. At this point you might be thinking "Indian Guy, you're a moron! What are you talking about?" I will tell you exactly what I'm talking about.

Most people in this world, can accept that as time goes on they will get older. Most people can also accept that as they get older their services may not be needed as much as they once were since there are younger faster people able to provide them. BUT NOT INDIAN WOMEN! Indian women, try to defy time and age, by forcing themselves to be relevant! We all know this happens, but no one wants to say it. As they get older Indian women just insist on taking on more and more things.

"Dinner for 500 people, I'm 55 years old, but I'll do it!" "Hey you need help changing that spare tire? I'm 60 with a replaced hip, but I can help". "I think I'm gonna take my walker, and go out their and cut the grass". These are all things I think you'll hear older Indian women say.

For some reason, I feel like as they grow older Indian women just don't feel relevant, and to compensate for this feeling they take on bigger and bigger challenges to show that "they still got it". What's worst, is that they present these humongous tasks, and then offer to do the tasks themselves. I was once having a conversation with an older Indian Lady who actually insisted on cooking for 600 people, even though her shoulder had surgery done to it, and she's in her 50's.

All I'm saying, is that growing old is not easy for anybody. However, to deny it is just bad for your health, and even worst for the younger people around you, because eventually you won't be able to take on the monumental tasks and those around you will have to do it for you. Trust me, now matter how much someone loves you, I'm sure they'd rather not be doing something you "volunteered" them for.

Things Guys Are Jealous Of

Most people who study human behaviour tend to lean towards the school of thought that women are the jealous type.  That may be true, and I'm sure there are several examples of this going all the way back to the Greek Gods and Goddesses.  However, men also have the ability to fall under the trap of jealousy.  It is not something many men will admit, but I the Indian Guy will attempt to give you a list of a few things that guys might occasionally get a little bit jealous about.  My "little bit jealous" these things may cause us to over react and do things like set your car on fire.  But hey, guys deal with these things differently from the way women do.

1. The Good Looking Fatso

Let me be the first to tell you that we men, are NOT jealous of a guy that eats healthy, works out six hours a day and is in the best shape of his life.  He probably looks great, and has a rock hard 6 pack on his abs to show for all his hard work.  We ARE jealous of the bastard that brushes his teeth with burritos, and eats 15 hamburgers a day and washes all that down with a gallon of sugary lard known as a milkshake, and still is in the best shape of his life.  This jerk, we cannot stand.  We hate this jerk so much, that we in fact try to go toe-to-toe with him when we see him and using our manly macho-ness we challenge him to hamburger eating contests.  While we suffer from heart attacks, he picks up our newly single women, and he's full.  What a jerk.

2. The Neat Car

Again, let me clarify that we are not jealous of a guy who works hard and every week puts effort into cleaning his car.  We are jealous of the guy who is so fricken rich that he has a bunch of people working for him constantly keeping his car clean.  This guy we can't stand because he is usually driving a nicer car than us, and probably pays more to the guy who details his car every day than you paid for your car.

3. The Celebu-tart

In my experience most guys understand that people like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are blessed enough to be good-lookin dudes, and can actually act.  As a result, they are rewarded handsomely with Angelina Jolie, a ton of money, and 50 babies from Africa.  That is something most guys can digest.  The fact that some guys just seem to be born with it.  What we cannot stand are the celebu-tarts like Paris Hilton who make millions of dollars for saying "That's Hot" and showing up at a club.  This is something most guys are jealous of, however we'd be willing to switch spots with them in a heart beat.

4. Trust Fund Babies

There are people in this world who are blessed enough to be born into wealth.  We hate these people.  These people are the ones who use Evian water to wash their hair and have no idea what the real world is like.  Kind of like Buddha before he left his kingdom.  Most of these people end up getting whatever they want, and don't have to work for it.  This is something most of us would love, but don't have and as a result we do feel the rage of jealousy.  

5. Women

Yes, I said it.  Guys at times, can be jealous of women.  I will be the first to admit this.  Every time a woman bats her eyes and gets out of a speeding ticket, or has someone at a retail store show her "extra" customer service it freakin drives me nuts.  The reason it drives me nuts, is because no matter how many times I bat my eyes, or how far I extend my chest I know I will never get the same type of treatment.  Its a shame, and it doesn't have to be that way.  Unfortunately, I just have to know that if I'm lost in a store and need to find a shirt, I'm gonna have to do it my damn self.

All in all, I think guys can be jealous.  Some clearly more than others.  However, I think its okay to admit to these things.  After all, they say that the first step in solving a problem, is admitting you have one.

Being Kidnapped

If your a guy, and your not socially retarded, there is a good chance that you probably have a few buddies.  Every guy has "his boys".  These are the guys he goes to for advice in life, and ironically enough he also prefers to kill some brain cells with the same guys.  There is a good chance that you've been friends with these people for some time now, and every once in a while they will kidnap you.  

Now, I don't mean this in the traditional sense, but all guys at some point get kidnapped by their friends.  It starts out with a casual phone call such as "Hey bro, I'm in your area, wanna grab a drink and catch up?"  Sounds innocent enough.  You get to the bar, and you start talking about what's happening in life.  "Yeah man, tonight I gotta go help the girlfriend with ____"  Usually one guy will start out telling the other something that he has to get done later that day.

Then it happens.

A couple of drinks in, your best friend has officially kidnapped you.  He has called all your other degenerate friends, and the night is officially on.  You were supposed to have ONE drink, and go home and be a responsible member of society.  Instead, your buddy takes your cell phone, and calls your girlfriend for you and tells her that you will not be able to make it, and its all his fault.  You've officially been kidnapped.  At this point, the vodka flows like a waterfall, and you are going to wake up tomorrow with a massive hangover.

Lucky for you, your buddy has a couch.  The couch is also quite symbolic.  Its probably where you will be sleeping in your own home for a while.  Afterwards, you make the walk of shame back home, and try to muster up your best puppy dog face and try to find some reasonable excuse as to why you didn't do what you were supposed to.  

In the end, you just know that you are who you are, and it was gonna happen anyway.  So you take your headache, and you get to work, and finish it up.  You may not be feeling well physically, but emotionally your a satisfied man.