The Duck Face

Its Friday evening, and you've just gotten out of work. Your feeling good, you aced your presentation, and you got the weekend to relax and just kick it. You hit your favorite after work bar for a few brews with the boys or girls, and you get that feeling. The feeling that tonight is gonna be something special. The feeling that tonight your gonna do it BIG. No bullshit meals with a glass of wine, or a game of pool with friends. Those activities are reserved for a quiet night. But today, today you feel victorious, and victories are never celebrated quietly. You hit up a place that's quiet enough to talk to your friends and hopefully strangers, yet loud enough to display the full badass that you are such as 230 5th in NYC.

You pound it out with your boys, or kiss it out with your girls, and a cold beverage finds its way into the cup of your hands, and eventually into the back of your throat. A few more refreshing gulps, and it happens. The beverage releases the stress out of your body and into the air, and the DJ plays your favorite '80's song - perhaps Livin on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. A cheesy pickup line has gotten you into a conversation with a group of random hotties, and your boy (or girl) sees you from the other side of the lounge. In that moment there is only one thing left to do....you give your friend "The Duck Face." What is "The Duck Face" you ask? The Duck Face is the universal human reaction that signifies "I am the bom-dizzle". I got this situation under control, and probably one of these ladies under my sheets in a few hours. Its a universal sign that everyone knows, recognizes, and loves.

Where did the Duck Face originate from? Like many things we enjoy in this world, it is believed to have been originated by the Italians, and then Guidos of all backgrounds in the Tri-state area perfected it. Indians being the latest group of immigrants have only recently gotten in on the action. Just see this duck face below - this takes years of practice, and hours of hair molding:

The Duck Face says to your friends - "Yo, I am the MAN, and I run this shit! These bitches ain't got shit on me, and there is a very high probability that I will make an inappropriate proposition. In the event that my proposition is rejected as my best friend you are obligated to come by and make me feel better, and if all else fails we will throw up the Ballllin sign".

Unfortunately ladies and gentleman, I have a confession to make. I - The Indian Guy am addicted to The Duck Face - there I said it. I find myself giving this face ALL THE TIME and I believe its going to get me into trouble. Therefore, to warn you I've outlined some situations when you should NOT use The Duck Face.

The following are such situations:

1. Reviewing bio-datas with your parents
2. Peeing in a public bathroom
3. Sitting next to your best friend's girlfriend (or boyfriend)
4. Talking to your boss
5. Giving a speech
6. Getting a cab
7. In court
8. At a funeral

The following are situations that are encouraged to use the Duck Face:

1. In the gym (you are a beast and everyone should know it)
2. At dinner (the waitress should know that she is serving food to a certified pimp)
3. In the club (its just too easy)
4. Family reunions (let the family know that they should be proud of the stud you've grown up to be)
5. Graduation (A proper Duck Face says I'm out suckas!)

Whatever situation you are in, I advise you to use the Duck Face wisely. It is a great universal symbol that is known globally like the peace sign or hang loose. However, I sincerely urge you to not abuse this beautiful symbol of confidence, debauchery, and griminess which says in the words of P. Diddy that you will not stand for "Bitch-ass-ness"