Guys Night

I would like to respectfully submit a new term to be used for today's society. I hereby submit "Manledge". I think all guys in their 20's should have Manledge. I think a course in every educational institution should be provided for Manledge. What is "Manledge" you may ask? Manledge is the knowledge that all guys should have to be succesfull in today's society. For example, a course on Manledge would teach a man in his 20's/30's (since 30 is the new 20) to:

1. Know how to get into a club
2. Order a bottle of wine
3. Have a proper first date
4. Plan a "guys night" out
5. How to make a tie

As I look around these days more and more men, are becoming submissive. They don't know how to do the essentials required for survival and are paying someone to do it for them. Bull crap I say! I don't care if your an 18 yr old teenage millionaire, you won't get laid if your date finds out you're wearing a clip-on. I think I will start a series of various topics of which I believe Men - especially in their 20's and 30's (since these are the crucial years that determine if you'll be cool or not in life), should know how to do.

Today, we begin with planning a guys night out. All guys, should know how to kick it with the boys. Most people have the following kind of guy friends:

1. The Player - all he cares about is ass
2. The Cryer - always has a sob story
3. The Overachiever - loves his job more than sex
4. The Underachiever - loves to "talk" about work, but does not actually do any
5. The Drama King - Can't pump gas without getting into a fight
6. The Rockstar - Seems to always have everything that everyone else wants

When planning guys night, you must cater to all of these personalities. Usually a bar/grill type restaurant along with a night-spot is a solid plan for a guys night. When planning a guys night, it is essential to pick a place that has lots of eye candy and scenery (by this I mean hot women). Although the Chicken Fingers or the German Brews might be tasty, they'll taste like crap if you don't have someone to ogle while enjoying them. Depending on what part of the world you are in, you can usually find some fun laid-back restaurants that have a good bar, and then hit up a club afterwards.

There are certain ground rules that MUST be followed:

1. The kids gotta be put to sleep - By this I mean all phone calls with the girlfriends/wives/children/mistresses have to be done and accounted for before the festivities begin. You are not allowed to miss a shot-taking opportunity because your girl wants to tell you she misses you. If you do, you buy the next round, Bitch.

2. Everyone should pitch in - No one person should end up taking the financial hit. At the same time don't bust out your pocket calculator every time a bill comes around. As a guy you should be alright with numbers, and if your not, then the waiter/waitress should get the benefit. Unless one of your friends is a filthy rich prick, by the end of the night everyone should have done a similar amount of damage to their wallets. It is okay however, for the rich prick to insist on buying bottle service and letting him take the hit, however in return you must be nice to him for the rest of the night, and even offer him a drink that he paid for once in a while.

3. You are NOT allowed to call anyone out - This is a big one. When your having a guys night, it is perfectly fine for your friend to tell someone he's a Formula 1 race car driver. If he tells a girl he is trying to impress that your the dude that manages him, you MUST act accordingly. You are not allowed to call him out. As a friend, it is your duty to ensure your buddy is in the best possible position to get this woman's panties to drop. At the same time your buddy must be there for you.

4. You are NOT allowed to bring baggage - By this, I mean everyone is there to have a good time. This is not the time to share the news that your getting a divorce, you miss your girlfriend you just broke up with, or worst you've decided your gonna go thru with your sex-change operation because you feel "trapped". Save it for another night. Tonight is the night to get your drink on, act silly, embarrass yourself a little bit, and maybe even get laid. The penalty for bringing on this kind of distress, is that you automatically become designated driver, and all night long your friends are allowed to tell any hot girl your talking to that you have gonorrhea.

5. Sneak Attack -At any guys night you must be prepared for the "sneak attack". What is the sneak attack? The sneak attack happens when you and your boys are at a place, and your girlfriend, or the significant other of any of your boys also "happens" to be there, or she decided to come out and meet you there. You must always be prepared for such occurrences. Women, usually don't like to see guys having so much fun by themselves, and will interject some vaginism on the night. As you and your boys are taking a shot she may come and give you a "cute" kiss on the cheek, or she may steal you away from your boys to furiously make out with you and / or dance with you. If this happens your boys have the right to make fun of you. In unison they are all allowed to yell out "awwwwwe", then point their fingers and laugh. They are also allowed to be sarcastic for the rest of the night. They can say things like "Bro, you look nice in a dress sometimes" and all you can do is take it like a man. Additionally, if required, your girl/significant other must also be prepared to talk up one of your buddies and help him get laid. For dropping the sneak attack, she must use her feminine powers of persuasion to get girls to put out for your boys.

Now, you have to remember that not everything always goes according to plan. If shit hits the fan, as a guy there is always a "Wild Card" that you can use. That "wild card" is the strip club. It is acceptable to resort to strip club for any guys night. A strip club is a wild card because it is the one place on planet Earth where all of your boys will be satisfied. For $20 a woman will listen to you talk about your project at work, while riding you like its the Kentucky Derby. For $40, she might even let you grab a boob while you explain to her the new wireless protocol your going to be implementing at work. A strip club for guys night should be used like you would use a car for sex. When there is no other option, and when it is absolutely necessary.