Women Parasites

Not too long ago, I was having a stressful day at work, and a good friend who I'll call AJ, agreed to help me kill some brain cells by pounding some booze. The effect was magical. Before I stepped into the establishment, my head felt heavy, and my neck, and shoulders felt like I had the world's problems on them. A few brews in, I was light on my feet, and felt loose enough to take on the world. As men often do when releasing stress, me and my buddy got to talkin.

"So how's things with your girl?" I asked. "Could be better" he said. Now you should know one thing about AJ. He is one of the most analytical people I've ever met. I mean everything to this guy is an analysis. A drink of water will only occur, if the investment of time and effort put into getting it, is worth it. He thinks about everything in terms of timing, effort put in, and what is gained. Everything accept one thing that is - his girlfriend. He said something quite interesting to me when he uttered the words "If I was thinking about this rationally, I'd have let her go by now. But at some point you've got to throw logic and rationality out the window and use your emotions I guess. If you don't , your not human". For him to say this, for me was the ultimate testament that people are emotional creatures more than anything.

Getting deeper into the conversation he said something that I'll never forget. "There's something to be said about the parasitic nature of women" were the words he spoke that stuck to my mind. For some reason, this statement sparked a curiosity in my mind, and I did a little homework. According to wikipedia "Parasitism is a type of symbiotic relationship between organisms of different species[citation needed] in which one, the parasite, benefits from a prolonged, close association with the other, the host, which is harmed. In general, parasites are much smaller than their hosts, show a high degree of specialization for their mode of life and reproduce more quickly and in greater numbers than their hosts". "The harm and benefit in parasitic interactions concern the biological fitness of the organisms involved. Parasites reduce host fitness in many ways, ranging from general or specialized pathology (such as castration), impairment of secondary sex characteristics, to the modification of host behaviour. Parasites increase their fitness by exploiting hosts for food, habitat and dispersal."

Upon reading this definition, I felt a sense of familiarity come over me. Kind of like those situations you see sometimes and think "Oh yeah, I know exactly what that feels like". He said as we carried on talking, that he didn't mind this, but its just that once in a while, when he needed something he just assumed she'd be there, and when it doesn't happen you kind of feel like sh*t. All of this was a bit much to take in at once. The two voices in my head (Stella Artois and Sam Adams) were screaming how much my friend was right! However, I had to think about this. Are women really parasites to men? Do they get more out of a relationship than men do?

Well, I thought I'd think this out point-by-point and see if women fit this definition:

1 - Parasites are much smaller than their host
Yes, but not always, since some dudes like more "cushion for the pushin"

2 - Show a high degree of specialization for their mode of life
Most women I know are pretty much all over the place all the freakin time. If I need a quick decision, I would probably avoid asking a woman, however if I needed a smart decision, that's probably the way to go, since we all know what "head" men use 98% of the time. This theory doesn't really fit.

3 - Reproduce more quickly and in greater numbers than their host
This one is just self-explanatory

4 - Parasites reduce host fitness
This one can go either way. Women either piss men off so much, that they go to the gym to blow off steam, or they drive them to alcohol/drug abuse. Either way you develop a tolerance for pain.

5 - Modification of host behaviour
I believe there is no question regarding this trait. A man, any man, always behaves differently when he's in a relationship, than when he's not. I have a buddy who when he was single got to 3rd base with a girl in a club one night, then asked everyone to smell his finger. This same buddy of mine, is now telling me he's ready for kids.

In conclusion, although this is an interesting comparison if I concluded that women were parasites, I probably would never get laid. But besides that, I think women are a necessary part of being a man. They get us to see things differently, and sometimes its good, and sometimes it ain't.