The Truth About Diwali

We are getting to that time of year when families start to come together. This week its the Indian festival of lights, known as Diwali being celebrated by brown people all over the world. They will clog their arteries and allow cavities to thrive with their sugar filled sweets that are made from ghee (melted butter). Of course these sweets will satisfy the soul, and send Indian spirits flying high. Its in times like these when families will enjoy each others company, and the kids will enjoy the $11 they get from everyone's feet they manage to touch. Its a special time. We put aside our differences for those few moments, and take part in the beautiful festivities of Diwali. We light fireworks, we eat to our heart's content, and of course we have fashion shows and dance competitions.

Diwali has turned into the biggest excuse in the world for Indians to borrow clothes, and walk down a run-way in front of their college peers and friends. For those Indians who can dance, this is their chance to show their stuff. This is their golden moment, to get up on stage and show that even though we wear traditional Indian outfits, we know how to re-mix our songs to hip-hop beats and bust a move that is anything but traditional. At this time of year, college campuses all across the country are filled with hormone-raged college kids that are bossing each other around and trying to figure out what the coolest bhangra step is that they can use into their dance routine. They are hitting up all the malls, and buying the most expensive clothes they can find. They are carefully wearing these clothes in such a way so that the price tag is not seen, and the clothes can be returned after the show is over. But most importantly, they are attacking the streets of the Indian markets to see if they can sucker a business owner to sponsor them. They will explain that their student body comprises of hundreds of students who will never leave campus, but will get exposure to their store that is a 30 mile drive away from campus.

Why do we do this you ask? For one reason, and one reason alone. The Afterparty. That's right. If you are an Indian in college, the Diwali show after-party is the cafeteria talk of the following week. Its where you find out who was dumb enough to wear the fashion-show clothes to the club, and had a drink spilled on their outfit, and will now have to actually purchase the ridiculous thing they intended to return. Its where the boy who was partnered up with a girl for a dance at the show will actually have enough liquid courage to actually grind on her in a crowded dance floor. But most importantly, the main topic of discussion will be the throngs of people that did not get in because when the bouncer asked to make a straight line, they didn't know what that meant. Last but not least, it is the venue where the girl who really didn't like the song that the group picked for the dance gets to bitch about it and start a fight. Aaah yes, the Diwali Show After party is also where the high-school kids with fake IDs get in and try to grind with drunk college chicks. In their own way, it is a festival of lights you might say.

In conclusion, there is one thing that Indians love to do more than anything else, and that is celebrate. Our entire culture revolves around celebration. When god came to earth we celebrate, when he leaves we celebrate, and to remember all the milestones accomplished in between we celebrate. Its just now, in the 21st century, massive prayers have been replaced with Diwali Shows that try to "fuse" the American and Indian cultures. Its is not too uncommon to see an Indian person wearing traditional clothes dancing to an Indian song, which eventually gets remixed into a Lil' John Song, and the dance moves turn into something you'd see on BET at night. Our ancestors, would truly be jealous.

Inter-cultural Relationships

So I recently came across this website where singles can go and meet other singles (no, I wasn't on the prowl - I swear). In this particular ad an Indian guy is looking to meet a white girl. Check it out:





I think Inter-cultural relationships is probably a better term for this than interracial (because Indians are actually considered caucasians), but also because sometimes if your Indian, dating a person from another part of the country can be just as difficult.

So in any case, I'd like to take a moment and help this poor bastard out. First of all he starts his ad by saying he's "attractive". That to me raises red flags right there. If I'm correct, shouldn't the other person decide if your attractive? Then he goes on to claim he is a "British Born Indian guy" which to me sounds like he's saying "Hey, I'm so white on the inside you won't notice I'm brown on the outside". However, he gets caught in his lie when he uses the phrase "would love to go out with a white girl as it is my preference". This is where the gig is up buddy! If you were really a British born Indian guy you'd say something like "because it is my preference", the fact that you said "as it is my preference" proves to me just how much of a Mumbai-born recently immigrated to Britain guy you really are! I work with plenty of Indians and they all have one thing in common - they don't ever use the word "because" they simply use "as" instead. I think I just found a Mumbain-born Indian guy who has migrated to Britain, and is hoping to get his freak on with the "mystical" white girls which he's only seen on youtube clips and heard stories of through migrated friends. What's worst is he finishes off his strong candidacy by asking "Do white women find Indian guys attractive?" What are you thinking?!? Is that even a question? Of course they do buddy, but your not one of em apparently.

All I'm saying is that if you want to attract a white girl or a black girl, or any other non-Indian girl, I'd start by making a strong bold statement. Perhaps something like "I'm the Indian son of the man who invented the Kama Sutra, and I'm starting a new practice here in London. I"m looking to share my knowledge with attractive and interested students who are (non-Indian / cultural preference) females between the ages of 21 - 30, who are comfortable with their bodies and spirituality. Flexibility and an un-inhibited personality is preferred". I mean you figure with something like this you might at least get a curiosity bang.

The point I'm trying to make here, is that inter-cultural relationships are not easy, but they can also be fun since in today's information age, we are learning about other people at a much faster pace. But the one thing that remains universally true, is that if a guy wants to get a girl, he's gotta be confident and comfortable with who he is, before he can get to know her no matter where she's from, or what color her skin is.