Giving Thanks

Its that time of year again. The trees are naked, the air is cold, football is in full swing, and we are humbled once again. For it is that time of year when the Native Americans traded some corn with the Europeans who later turned out to be their "Frenemies". However, the important thing to remember is that this is the time of year when we enjoy the two days off from work, stay at home with the ones we love, and fill our bellies and our hearts with cholesterol, fat, and love. But more importantly, it is the time of year when we give "thanks". Its not an easy thing to do. We are always griping and bitching about the things we don't have in our every day lives, that we overlook all the wonderful things we do actually have. With that being said, I The Indian Guy would like to share what I'm thankful for.

The first and most important thing I am thankful for this time of year is the Patel Convention. What is the Patel Convention you may ask? Well just as the royal families in history wanted to make sure they stayed in power and kept all the riches in the family, the Patels of this world, are continuing this tradition in today's day and age. The Patel Community of the world has accomplished and achieved a lot. To keep these accomplishments for themselves, the Patel's designed a system wherein their kids can marry other Patels, and not let anyone else in and ruin the "chosen blood". That's right, the Patel Convention is the meat market of the Patel community, and it is where kids go to find a future "partner" in marriage (or for the night), and parents go to congregate and vent about how old their kids are getting and not finding anyone. You see, in the Patel community, having a child that is not married past their mid-20's is a disgrace to the family and the parents of the child may even feel like they ruined the world with an ugly child or even worst, maybe they have to admit that they are not capable of producing pretty children because they are not pretty. NO! That is not the case, for Patels are not allowed to be ugly! Thank god, all is safe.

The next thing I am thankful for is the Patel Women of the Patel Convention. Ah yes, there are few things in this world that are as unique as a Patel Woman at the Patel Convention. There are not too many women who have the ability to grind with you, maybe even hook up with you, and then tell you that you are not worthy of dating because you come from New Jersey and you must be a "playa". Just because two people hook up after 5 minutes of talking and 2 shots, does not make the guy a "playa" because he's from Jersey. It makes the girl a "fun" girl, and the guy an "opportunity seizer". It sure is a beautiful thing when a girl who you try to hook one of your friends up with, gets mad at you because YOU were not interested in her. However, you didn't want to ask her out for yourself because she was older than you by a couple of years, and Patel women are just not comfortable with dating a younger guy (even if he reads at an older level). However, after you do ask her out and date her, she has the right to be mad at you for being too young. Only a Patel woman can make you feel special and stupid at the same time. It truly is a rare thing.

Another thing I am grateful for of course are the guys of the Patel convention. You see, Patel guys don't like to be too confrontational, however they can be extremely competitive. So what do they do? Well, they cock block, but not in the traditional way. The Patel convention is the one place in the world, where a guy can compliment you so much that you actually look bad. How can this be? How would you even go about doing this? Well, the savvy Patel hater has developed a way. For example, when you are talking to a girl, a guy that you've never seen may come up to you in front of the girl and say something like "Yo! What's up bro! Man, this guy is such a player! I can't even believe how many women this guy was with last night. You're the man bro!". He will drop this little bomb, and then walk away, and also watch the girl get disgusted by your promiscuous ways, and leave. Thanks a lot douche bag! However, not all the Patel guys are bad, there's just a few rotten apples. The Patel Convention is the one place where you will probably make more friends with guys than with girls. Its probably the one place where you will meet another fellow Patel who thinks your cool and will buy you a drink from the other side of the room, just because its a Friday afternoon and the game is on and your not working. Its also the one case where guys may even get a bit too drunk and start telling you their dark secrets such as "Bro, I barely know you, but I feel like I can trust you with this. I met a girl, but I have a crush on her mom, and I can't control myself. I'm gonna make my move at Garba tonight".

All in all, I am thankful for the convention of Patels and the many memories it has given me. Its the place where I first got wasted, and the place where I will always go to feel at home. Although I may not find my wife there, I know its the one place I belong. To call the Patel Convention a failure just because you don't find your marriage partner is like calling Hugh Hefner a failure for not finding true love. Sure, he may not have exactly what he's looking for, but I think most of us would settle for what he's got.