College Finals - The Asian Way

So it is officially June. Which means that another academic year has come to a conclusion. All the graduates are out looking for jobs, and all the undergraduates are either down the shore or working at their internships, or if your Asian your taking a summer Calc class. But no year is ever complete without a final examination. Yes, the finals. Where the professors flex their intellectual might (which makes up for their lack of respect in the real world) and beat down on the egos and intellectual fraility of their students. For many students the day of the Final Exam is one full of fear, nerves, and general inadequacy. Did I study the right material? Do I have what it takes? Will I get the highest score in the class? Will that one dork fuck up the curve for the rest of us? These are all common questions that run rampid thru students preparing for their Final.

That is all students, accept for the Asian students. That's right. If you want to know what makes today's Asian students masters of academia, its one word and one word only - that is CHEATING. If you still believe that the group of Asian students got to the lecture hall 3 hours before the exam began and sat in the farthest darkest corner because "it was the only quiet place on campus" then you are simply an idiot. For some reason, when Asian students enter a classroom they become a "Band of Brothers" who come together to defeat a common enemy - the professor. Even the smartest Asian kid in the class who doesn't need to cheat gets conned into doing it, and they become the eye of the hurricane. They are the cheating nucleus if you will, from which all other asian students will get their answers and pass their examination.

While most students are up all night pounding coffee and memorizing formulas, the Asians are working out seating structures, information exchange passages, and cough/sneeze signals. All the while they look like a group of innocent do-gooders, who are simply "catching a cold" under the stress of all the studying for the Finals. The genius is that although the professors suspect something nothing can be done about it. The one thing that Asians do in these situation is look out for one another. If America's best cheating crew is good at what they do, than like a well-choreographed break-dancing team each exam will have an individual appeal to it, however together it will be a brilliant display of harmony, and execution.

So the next time you walk into a lecture hall and notice a group of Asians sitting in the back corner "studying" don't disturb them. Simply ask what it will take to get in on the action.