Olympic Pride

If you're Indian right now, there are two words on your mind. No, they are not "Aishwarya Naked", but rather Abhinav Bindra. If you haven't already heard, Mr. Abhinav Bindra is the toast of the town. He has accomplished an enormous feat. He single handedly won the proud nation of India its first gold medal in the Olympic games! According to this article he won a gold medal in the 10 m air rifle event, and in the process became India's most eligible bachelor. That's right ladies - he's single!





This proud son of India showed the whole world that you don't come closer than 10 meters to him, or he will blow your head off. This medal has officially turned this young man into an overnight sensation, and is probably getting more ass than a toilet seat.

In any case, after being overwhelmed with pride and joy, a friend inspired a question in me. Namely, how does a nation of a billion people only have 1 gold medal in Olympic history? I mean, Indians probably love gold more than any group of people in the world. In fact we love it so much, we are willing to give up our kids for it (marriage is simply collateral). Knowing that this is the case, how did more Indians not get the cherished and symbolic Olympic Gold?

Then I realized, that there was nothing wrong with Indians, however the problem lies in the competition. Therefore, I humbly nominate the following "Olympic Sports" to the International Olympic Committee for consideration in the next Olympics so the nation of India has a fair chance:

1 - Bargaining

2 - Populating the Earth (Although this would be a close call with China and Mexico)

3 - Calculus

4 - 60 second cash-register sprint (this contest would involve processing as many transactions as possible in 60 seconds)

5 - Train jumping (this can involve getting on/off a moving train and will probably be a relay)

6 - Johnny Walker Chugging

7 - 100 m, 200 m, and 400 m Garba Dash

8 - Bhangra/Hadipa High Jump

9 - Rikshaw Racing

10 - Cutting Lines (no question, Indians would be the favorites for this event)

I sincerely believe the addition of these events would best serve the nation of India in the Olympics as it pursues more gold medals and hopes to attain Olympic Immortality.