The Asian Paradox

Humans stereotype. Its not right, but it happens. When you live in a world when you repeatedly see the same behaviour from a group of people depending on their background, race, or ethnicities, in our own minds we tend to generalize. Its something we just do, and we've got to live with it. For example, if I see a black person I think poor customer service skills. I don't want to, but it happens. In that same regard, when one thinks of Asians, I'm willing to bet we all think one thing. You guessed it - CHEAP.

Asians in my estimation have equaled the Jewish stereotype of cheapness if not surpassed it. I mean I once went into an IHOP where my Asian friend asked if there are free refills on the sodas before ordering one. Why do so many Indians own hotels? Obviously so they don't have to purchase toiletries for the family and can write them off as a business expense. Its just the way it is. Asians are ridiculously cheap. However, the other thing Asians also happen to be is HORNY. This is not a stereotype. This is the simple truth and we've got the population numbers to prove it. I believe something like one out of every three people in the world is Chinese. It got so bad, that the government had to start taxing horniness to control the population.

So what happens then, when an Asian enters a strip club? It is quite a conundrum. Its quite baffling to the ordinary non-Asian person. Its like putting the energizer bunny into a shoe box. They have so much pent up energy, they are bound to explode. Why is this the case? Well, its because this is one of the few situations where innate Asian instincts conflict with each other. I mean, its a good thing that lions don't have this problem. Every time a hot lioness walks by, they would forget to hunt, and die out as a species. What I've observed is the following stages usually occur:

1. Shame - How did I convince myself to get here? This is so wrong. Will god ever forgive me?

2. Self-doubt - What kind of person am I that my friends persuaded me to come? I should have been stronger.

3. Gradual Consent - Well, now that I'm here I might as well get a drink right? All the women are so friendly, they must be happy to see me. Why wouldn't they? I'm a fun guy. Besides, I'm having a good hair day and Candy noticed. BUT, No matter what, I will have fun on a budget.

4. Eruption - I am the freakin man! Hey waitress you and your friends have a shot on me! Yo boys, lap dances all around! Go get em! I gotch you kid! I got this! Hey Candy, you ready for a few more songs?!? I thought so. Let's get it started, we are partyin tonight! You know what...? Forget it, let's just go to the champagne room, and not waste any time - I'm in love! Candy: Yeah, I think your real cute. Did I ever tell you I always had a thing for computer programmers? Asian: Hell yeah you do, because we know how to use our hardware baby!

5. Denial - How the hell did I spend this much money!?! What the hell are stripper dollars? Why do I have $500 of them in my pocket?!? How did this happen? I hate my friends! I hate my life, and I'm pretty sure I'll lose my wife! Damn this sucks!

In conclusion, it seems to me that in the Cheapness vs. Horniness stereotype of Asians, the horniness usually ends up winning. Maybe, just maybe the lifetime of cheapness is to make up for the one night of unadulterated debauchery that is the strip club.