We all travel through life falling in and out of love. For some, it can be a vicious cycle that repeats often, and others only go through it once. Some are even lucky enough to find their true love the first time they meet, and don't even know what it means to fall "out". Its a punishing, and beautiful thing which helps us understand the world, and more importantly ourselves. Some try to put a number on how many times it may happen, and call it destiny or fate, and others well they just understand that what's gotta happen, is gonna happen.
However, there is something that is quite ironic about this entire process. Its not something we like to talk about often, and of course I would like to take this opportunity to do just that. I recently saw a cartoon that reminded me of this strange paradox. The truth is very simply, that each time we go into a relationship we grow more as a person. We make mistakes, and we learn from those mistakes. The kicker, is that the next person who comes along is the one who benefits. So for example, if you were impatient when your girlfriend was getting ready, and always got mad or through a fit, your current girlfriend has to put up with it. However, after that relationship is over, the next girl who comes along will be fortunate enough to have a guy whose not so impatient and gives her the time she needs to get ready.
Does nobody else but me find this nuts! Think about it. You will always be a better person in your next relationship! I find this hilarious and humbling at the same time. Its also the reason why when a guy starts dating a girl for the first time and she does something amazing in bed and drives him wild, he thoroughly enjoys it. Then he begins to wonder.....how did she learn how to do that? Who was the bastard before you who taught her that? Which usually ends to a pointless argument. Of course, as "fate" would have it, this is something the next girl he dates won't have to deal with.
So go on. Do what you gotta do. Date all types of people. Pretty ones, crazy ones, and of course my favorite the horny ones. Learn what you gotta learn. At some point, you might be lucky to find a person who has learned just as much as you, and knows just as much as you, and has been through just as much as you. If you ever find that person at the right time, I guess you might then know what love is.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Menopause Mystery
I believe that a man should only have to endure menopause once in his life. Yes, I've said it. It sounds crazy, and I understand its the women who have to endure the hot flashes, and the hormonal civil war that occurs in their bodies, but the abuse men take during this time is seriously not accounted for. In my experience, the stay-at-home Indian moms can be quite a handful to deal with during this transition into the "Golden Years". Everything from the Masala Fury to Raging Hormonal Madness comes out and manifests its self in the form of verbal attacks to you because you are the cause of all that is evil in the world for being a male.
In other areas of medicine, when a person displays the following characteristics:
1 - irrationality
2 - disillusionment
3 - emotionally instability
4 - bipolar tendencies
5 - paranoia
We diagnose them and call them a schizophrenic person. Usually the remedy includes taking medicine such as Zoloft or Risperdal and letting them be on their way. The drugs usually make them more easy to deal with, less hallucinogenic, and as a side effect less horny. However, in the case of Menopause nothing can be done. We've got all the drugs in the world, but we can't find one that will stop a grown woman from cutting the lawn with scissors. On top of that you get yelled at for not helping. Its just unreal!
As a man, its not easy to deal with this. You can not use any of the tools at our disposal such as logic, rationality, and repeated offers of sex. It just gets you into more trouble. Usually if you try to rationalize why it wouldn't be good to spray paint your pet dog, there is a 95% chance you may end up making her cry. However, the part that requires the most patience is the conversation you have to try to keep with a woman going through Menopause. Its like trying to talk to someone who is tripping on Acid or Shrooms. Your ear drums will get bombarded with everything from Women's Rights topics, to politics, and eventually why she thinks the new sweater she bought is "so cute" even though its probably more appropriate for the teenage daughter. I've had the following conversation with a woman going through Menopause:
Me: So what do you want to do for dinner today?
Meno Lady: Why is it always my fault!? What did I do to you? Why do you always blame the dinner problems on me!?
Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Can you tell me if you'd like to cook or just order in?
Meno Lady: Wasn't it just a beautiful day outside today? I mean the sun was shining, the birds were churping, it was just lovely.
Me: So I guess I should call Dominos?
Meno Lady: Go kill yourself. You wouldn't be anything without me! You don't even know! You just don't get it!
Me: Would you like Cheesy Bread?
The tactic to employ here is to be consistent. Either way, you are not going to win.
So for all the men in the world that are enduring the fury of Menopause, the only advice I can offer is for you to just stick it out. In the words of Will Ferrel in Old School "Keep on truckin". It ain't easy, but once it has passed, the emotions won't change so frequently, and maybe just maybe you might even be able to use a lawn mower to cut the grass. After Menopause you will be begging for the days of begging for sex, and hoping to squeeze it in between Scrabble and Grey's Anatomy.
In other areas of medicine, when a person displays the following characteristics:
1 - irrationality
2 - disillusionment
3 - emotionally instability
4 - bipolar tendencies
5 - paranoia
We diagnose them and call them a schizophrenic person. Usually the remedy includes taking medicine such as Zoloft or Risperdal and letting them be on their way. The drugs usually make them more easy to deal with, less hallucinogenic, and as a side effect less horny. However, in the case of Menopause nothing can be done. We've got all the drugs in the world, but we can't find one that will stop a grown woman from cutting the lawn with scissors. On top of that you get yelled at for not helping. Its just unreal!
As a man, its not easy to deal with this. You can not use any of the tools at our disposal such as logic, rationality, and repeated offers of sex. It just gets you into more trouble. Usually if you try to rationalize why it wouldn't be good to spray paint your pet dog, there is a 95% chance you may end up making her cry. However, the part that requires the most patience is the conversation you have to try to keep with a woman going through Menopause. Its like trying to talk to someone who is tripping on Acid or Shrooms. Your ear drums will get bombarded with everything from Women's Rights topics, to politics, and eventually why she thinks the new sweater she bought is "so cute" even though its probably more appropriate for the teenage daughter. I've had the following conversation with a woman going through Menopause:
Me: So what do you want to do for dinner today?
Meno Lady: Why is it always my fault!? What did I do to you? Why do you always blame the dinner problems on me!?
Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Can you tell me if you'd like to cook or just order in?
Meno Lady: Wasn't it just a beautiful day outside today? I mean the sun was shining, the birds were churping, it was just lovely.
Me: So I guess I should call Dominos?
Meno Lady: Go kill yourself. You wouldn't be anything without me! You don't even know! You just don't get it!
Me: Would you like Cheesy Bread?
The tactic to employ here is to be consistent. Either way, you are not going to win.
So for all the men in the world that are enduring the fury of Menopause, the only advice I can offer is for you to just stick it out. In the words of Will Ferrel in Old School "Keep on truckin". It ain't easy, but once it has passed, the emotions won't change so frequently, and maybe just maybe you might even be able to use a lawn mower to cut the grass. After Menopause you will be begging for the days of begging for sex, and hoping to squeeze it in between Scrabble and Grey's Anatomy.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
BIO DATA
"BIO DATA." If your an Indian these are 2 of the most scariest words you'll ever hear. It officially signifies that your youth has passed, your still single, and your parents are tired of hearing questions about why your not married yet. For those of you who may not know, Indian parents have 2 great fears. 1 - their child is gay, 2 - there child will remain single after the age of 30. As far as being gay is concerned, its just not allowed. However, if it happens, there is little the parents can do about it. As for the latter, Indian parents have developed an intricate "laissez-faire" system to do everything in their power to get their child married off before the age of 30.
Its quite simple the way it works. During the life of their child they will not permit their children to date, and make them focus on "studies". Then when their child is socially retarded and sent off to college, they will hope the child finds their significant other there. When this does not happen, they panic, and around the age of 26 or 27 if the child is still single they will ask the child to make a Bio Data, or a resume of themselves which they can show other people.
A typical Bio Data contains factual information, as well as astrological information. It typically accompanies a picture of you and looks something like this:
Name: Mr. or Mrs. Patel
Date of Birth: This is very important for Astrological reasons
Height / Wt.: this is usually a lie.
Skin Complexion: for example fair, wheatish, or ashy
Religion: Your either a Hindu, Hindu, or Hindu
Caste: this one can be a deal breaker. Believe it or not, but this one is sometimes also mentioned with information such as the type of Patel you are.
Address: both here, as well as the home in India from which your family has migrated. This is just so we can see if there's anybody that talks smack about you in the motha-land.
Education: this is usually important for the parents
Occupation: I try to write something classy here such as "Part-time pimp/full-time Playaaa", however this one field alone determines your real value in the market.
Hobbies / interests: usually cooking, or traveling
Father's Name:
Mother's Name:
Brother/Sister (s): Their marital status is also listed here
Once this done, these "pimp vouchers" are then traded like stock by parents in the global meat market of 20-something-year old Indians around the world.
What's interesting is the emphasis put on education. You can look like a toe, and be a doctor and the phone will ring off the hook. The ideal catch is a doctor which meets your astrological criteria, and is the right kind of Patel (no pressure here). High honors is also given to Pharmacists, and lawyers. Anything involving IT represents job-security but not a fat bank roll, so parents will usually settle for this, and won't make a big fuss about it.
Although this technique has worked quite well in the past, I've noticed now that its not really doing much. More and more 2nd generation people are growing up and not wanting to get married, and more and more parents are getting disgruntled and having ulcers as a result of this. The new age parents, try to encourage their kids to set themselves up on websites such as http://www.shaadi.com/ which to me seems to be the on-line trading of the pimp-vouchers and the meat market they represent. I truly believe we are getting closer to a day when people will actually be able to trade options on these bio-datas.
As an Indian whose grown up in America this concept is quite foreign, and sounds somewhat insane. However, you can't argue with the results and the numbers. This system, although not perfect has produced many happy unions. I'm now related to several people who have found their match in this meat-market.
Its quite simple the way it works. During the life of their child they will not permit their children to date, and make them focus on "studies". Then when their child is socially retarded and sent off to college, they will hope the child finds their significant other there. When this does not happen, they panic, and around the age of 26 or 27 if the child is still single they will ask the child to make a Bio Data, or a resume of themselves which they can show other people.
A typical Bio Data contains factual information, as well as astrological information. It typically accompanies a picture of you and looks something like this:
Name: Mr. or Mrs. Patel
Date of Birth: This is very important for Astrological reasons
Height / Wt.: this is usually a lie.
Skin Complexion: for example fair, wheatish, or ashy
Religion: Your either a Hindu, Hindu, or Hindu
Caste: this one can be a deal breaker. Believe it or not, but this one is sometimes also mentioned with information such as the type of Patel you are.
Address: both here, as well as the home in India from which your family has migrated. This is just so we can see if there's anybody that talks smack about you in the motha-land.
Education: this is usually important for the parents
Occupation: I try to write something classy here such as "Part-time pimp/full-time Playaaa", however this one field alone determines your real value in the market.
Hobbies / interests: usually cooking, or traveling
Father's Name:
Mother's Name:
Brother/Sister (s): Their marital status is also listed here
Once this done, these "pimp vouchers" are then traded like stock by parents in the global meat market of 20-something-year old Indians around the world.
What's interesting is the emphasis put on education. You can look like a toe, and be a doctor and the phone will ring off the hook. The ideal catch is a doctor which meets your astrological criteria, and is the right kind of Patel (no pressure here). High honors is also given to Pharmacists, and lawyers. Anything involving IT represents job-security but not a fat bank roll, so parents will usually settle for this, and won't make a big fuss about it.
Although this technique has worked quite well in the past, I've noticed now that its not really doing much. More and more 2nd generation people are growing up and not wanting to get married, and more and more parents are getting disgruntled and having ulcers as a result of this. The new age parents, try to encourage their kids to set themselves up on websites such as http://www.shaadi.com/ which to me seems to be the on-line trading of the pimp-vouchers and the meat market they represent. I truly believe we are getting closer to a day when people will actually be able to trade options on these bio-datas.
As an Indian whose grown up in America this concept is quite foreign, and sounds somewhat insane. However, you can't argue with the results and the numbers. This system, although not perfect has produced many happy unions. I'm now related to several people who have found their match in this meat-market.
Monday, June 9, 2008
On-line Dating
So recently more and more people I know have turned to on-line dating. It seems to be a popular trend that is now infiltrating the Indian culture of America. For many Indians this is new and unexplored territory. For many of us we had limited options to find our soulmates -
1. Meet them in high school / college & date them for many many years and then marry them
2. Meet them in temple and date them for many many years and then marry them
3. Meet them thru parents, and date them for 48 hours and marry them
Finally, the most common
4. Aimlessly wander about at night clubs and bars until in that fateful moment you puke on your beloved's shoes, and decide that they will be yours for the rest of your days. You date them for a few months and rush into something completely unprepared.
But now, everything's changed. On-line dating has come and changed the whole game up. You can totally be yourself and post an air-brushed picture of you with the right light and trick people into thinking you really do look like a movie star first thing in the morning. You can share your hobbies such as cooking (however, I find it odd that no one enjoys cleaning). You can tell people how your fun-loving, and have a sense of humor - but only if its you making the joke.
All in all, I'd say on-line dating is a good thing for the Indian community and the world in general. I think it does everyone a favor because now people can be who they want to be instead of who they actually are.
1. Meet them in high school / college & date them for many many years and then marry them
2. Meet them in temple and date them for many many years and then marry them
3. Meet them thru parents, and date them for 48 hours and marry them
Finally, the most common
4. Aimlessly wander about at night clubs and bars until in that fateful moment you puke on your beloved's shoes, and decide that they will be yours for the rest of your days. You date them for a few months and rush into something completely unprepared.
But now, everything's changed. On-line dating has come and changed the whole game up. You can totally be yourself and post an air-brushed picture of you with the right light and trick people into thinking you really do look like a movie star first thing in the morning. You can share your hobbies such as cooking (however, I find it odd that no one enjoys cleaning). You can tell people how your fun-loving, and have a sense of humor - but only if its you making the joke.
All in all, I'd say on-line dating is a good thing for the Indian community and the world in general. I think it does everyone a favor because now people can be who they want to be instead of who they actually are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
StatCounter
