Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Let's face it. As people, we are wired to generalize. Its not our fault, its just that reality can be so overwhelming at times. For example, if you go to 5 different Best Buy stores and had a miserable experience with their customer service representative, and let's say for example that all of them happen to be Black, you will assume that all Black people are horrible with customer service. Is this true? Of course not, I'm sure somewhere out there is a Black person who is also good at customer service. These generalizations, can almost occur for anything. I"m not just limiting it to race. It can be generalizations about race, ethnicity, religion, and even sex. For example, all men are horny (okay, maybe this one is true).

For the last decade or so, Indians have been working very hard to wash off some of the generalizations and stereotypes made about us. Lets be honest. Everyone always would make fun of Indians and call them smelly, weird, or people who eat monkey brains (thanks Indiana Jones). However, in the last few years with Indians cracking the top 5 wealthiest people in the world, the emergence of Aishwarya Rai, and of course Slumdog Millionaire, Brown is the new Black. Thanks to Harold and Kumar Indians can be pot heads, and Dr. Sanjay Gupta even gives us a nice little advantage in making Indians look smart.

However, morons like this guy are really not helping our cause. If you read this story an Indian dad who fathered 7 daughters has decided not to wash himself in 35 years in an attempt to hopefully father a son! What the hell man!!!!! What are you doing?!!!? He supposedly takes a "fire bath" which in his own warped freakin opinion is just as good as a "water bath" for killing germs. Of course, the rest of society disagrees and the guy lost his job, and no one wants to be near him.

I'm pretty sure that this regimen will guarantee at least one thing. He probably won't give birth to another daughter. In fact, I'll be pretty freakin surprised if anyone gets close enough to him so that he has a chance to father anything else at this point. By the way the guy is in his 60's and still gunning for a son. I guess that's another stereotype of Indians - stubborn.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Age Vs. The Indian Woman

For generations now, there has been an unspoken battle happening right before our eyes. It may not seem so obvious, but right in front of us, an epic battle has always been taking place, and will continue to do so. That is right, I am referring to the battle of Indian Women, versus Age. No matter what they try to do, Indian women (like the rest of the world) will lose to the forces of time and age. However, as most of us continue to get older and accept that we are no longer as fast or as crazy as we once were, Indian women refuse to let age take them down this way!

So what do they do? They try to defy time of course! They try to defy age, and they do this by making most men around them miserable. Whether your a son, a husband, a brother, or relative to an aging Indian women, you will have felt the fury of her trying to fight off age. At this point you might be thinking "Indian Guy, you're a moron! What are you talking about?" I will tell you exactly what I'm talking about.

Most people in this world, can accept that as time goes on they will get older. Most people can also accept that as they get older their services may not be needed as much as they once were since there are younger faster people able to provide them. BUT NOT INDIAN WOMEN! Indian women, try to defy time and age, by forcing themselves to be relevant! We all know this happens, but no one wants to say it. As they get older Indian women just insist on taking on more and more things.

"Dinner for 500 people, I'm 55 years old, but I'll do it!" "Hey you need help changing that spare tire? I'm 60 with a replaced hip, but I can help". "I think I'm gonna take my walker, and go out their and cut the grass". These are all things I think you'll hear older Indian women say.

For some reason, I feel like as they grow older Indian women just don't feel relevant, and to compensate for this feeling they take on bigger and bigger challenges to show that "they still got it". What's worst, is that they present these humongous tasks, and then offer to do the tasks themselves. I was once having a conversation with an older Indian Lady who actually insisted on cooking for 600 people, even though her shoulder had surgery done to it, and she's in her 50's.

All I'm saying, is that growing old is not easy for anybody. However, to deny it is just bad for your health, and even worst for the younger people around you, because eventually you won't be able to take on the monumental tasks and those around you will have to do it for you. Trust me, now matter how much someone loves you, I'm sure they'd rather not be doing something you "volunteered" them for.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Things Guys Are Jealous Of

Most people who study human behaviour tend to lean towards the school of thought that women are the jealous type.  That may be true, and I'm sure there are several examples of this going all the way back to the Greek Gods and Goddesses.  However, men also have the ability to fall under the trap of jealousy.  It is not something many men will admit, but I the Indian Guy will attempt to give you a list of a few things that guys might occasionally get a little bit jealous about.  My "little bit jealous" these things may cause us to over react and do things like set your car on fire.  But hey, guys deal with these things differently from the way women do.

1. The Good Looking Fatso
Let me be the first to tell you that we men, are NOT jealous of a guy that eats healthy, works out six hours a day and is in the best shape of his life.  He probably looks great, and has a rock hard 6 pack on his abs to show for all his hard work.  We ARE jealous of the bastard that brushes his teeth with burritos, and eats 15 hamburgers a day and washes all that down with a gallon of sugary lard known as a milkshake, and still is in the best shape of his life.  This jerk, we cannot stand.  We hate this jerk so much, that we in fact try to go toe-to-toe with him when we see him and using our manly macho-ness we challenge him to hamburger eating contests.  While we suffer from heart attacks, he picks up our newly single women, and he's full.  What a jerk.

2. The Neat Car
Again, let me clarify that we are not jealous of a guy who works hard and every week puts effort into cleaning his car.  We are jealous of the guy who is so fricken rich that he has a bunch of people working for him constantly keeping his car clean.  This guy we can't stand because he is usually driving a nicer car than us, and probably pays more to the guy who details his car every day than you paid for your car.

3. The Celebu-tart
In my experience most guys understand that people like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are blessed enough to be good-lookin dudes, and can actually act.  As a result, they are rewarded handsomely with Angelina Jolie, a ton of money, and 50 babies from Africa.  That is something most guys can digest.  The fact that some guys just seem to be born with it.  What we cannot stand are the celebu-tarts like Paris Hilton who make millions of dollars for saying "That's Hot" and showing up at a club.  This is something most guys are jealous of, however we'd be willing to switch spots with them in a heart beat.

4. Trust Fund Babies
There are people in this world who are blessed enough to be born into wealth.  We hate these people.  These people are the ones who use Evian water to wash their hair and have no idea what the real world is like.  Kind of like Buddha before he left his kingdom.  Most of these people end up getting whatever they want, and don't have to work for it.  This is something most of us would love, but don't have and as a result we do feel the rage of jealousy.  

5. Women
Yes, I said it.  Guys at times, can be jealous of women.  I will be the first to admit this.  Every time a woman bats her eyes and gets out of a speeding ticket, or has someone at a retail store show her "extra" customer service it freakin drives me nuts.  The reason it drives me nuts, is because no matter how many times I bat my eyes, or how far I extend my chest I know I will never get the same type of treatment.  Its a shame, and it doesn't have to be that way.  Unfortunately, I just have to know that if I'm lost in a store and need to find a shirt, I'm gonna have to do it my damn self.

All in all, I think guys can be jealous.  Some clearly more than others.  However, I think its okay to admit to these things.  After all, they say that the first step in solving a problem, is admitting you have one.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Being Kidnapped

If your a guy, and your not socially retarded, there is a good chance that you probably have a few buddies.  Every guy has "his boys".  These are the guys he goes to for advice in life, and ironically enough he also prefers to kill some brain cells with the same guys.  There is a good chance that you've been friends with these people for some time now, and every once in a while they will kidnap you.  

Now, I don't mean this in the traditional sense, but all guys at some point get kidnapped by their friends.  It starts out with a casual phone call such as "Hey bro, I'm in your area, wanna grab a drink and catch up?"  Sounds innocent enough.  You get to the bar, and you start talking about what's happening in life.  "Yeah man, tonight I gotta go help the girlfriend with ____"  Usually one guy will start out telling the other something that he has to get done later that day.

Then it happens.

A couple of drinks in, your best friend has officially kidnapped you.  He has called all your other degenerate friends, and the night is officially on.  You were supposed to have ONE drink, and go home and be a responsible member of society.  Instead, your buddy takes your cell phone, and calls your girlfriend for you and tells her that you will not be able to make it, and its all his fault.  You've officially been kidnapped.  At this point, the vodka flows like a waterfall, and you are going to wake up tomorrow with a massive hangover.

Lucky for you, your buddy has a couch.  The couch is also quite symbolic.  Its probably where you will be sleeping in your own home for a while.  Afterwards, you make the walk of shame back home, and try to muster up your best puppy dog face and try to find some reasonable excuse as to why you didn't do what you were supposed to.  

In the end, you just know that you are who you are, and it was gonna happen anyway.  So you take your headache, and you get to work, and finish it up.  You may not be feeling well physically, but emotionally your a satisfied man.