Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Biggest Source of Tension for an Indian Woman

Recently I've been surrounded by lots of friends, family, as well as my girlfriend and her family. It is a pretty hectic experience, because not too many people who are not Indian understand that its okay to have so many people in one house and it can even be fun. However, throughout all of the things that were happening there was one thing that stood out in my mind. All the women, had one thing in common. I couldn't believe it, and I didn't realize it, but all the women were all stressed about the same damn thing! Every time a woman said something, without fail she uttered the words that are the source of tension 99.9% of the time in 99.9% of all Indian women.

"Did you eat?" "What did you eat?" These two questions are probably asked by Indian women more than any other question ever. No matter what you say, you will never have a correct answer to this question. Even if you've answered the question, it will not stop them from asking again. It didn't matter if the woman was young or old, or who she was talking to. For some reason, Indian women are just infatuated by whether or not you've eaten and what you've eaten. I can't explain it, but I know its a Universal Truth. You show me a room with an Indian woman, and put a man in there, and I guarantee that the first thing she will ask is "Did you eat?" I think its quite phenomenal that all the women of one nation are all concerned about one thing and that is food.

However, I began to wonder. Why are Indian women always asking this question? Why do they care more about whether or not you ate, than anything else in this world. I could come home with stitches on my face, and my mom would worry about what I ate. Its just the simple truth. But the question still remains....why? I thought of a few possible answers below:

1. They already ate, and feel guilty and now want to make sure you eat too
- That's right. Not many people have the courage to do it, but I, the Indian Guy am calling you ladies out! If you ate, than don't force us to eat so you can feel better about yourself. It ain't right, and my jeans are tight enough. I don't need a second dinner.

2. They want to know their food tastes good
- I am convinced, that most women are insecure about what they've cooked. Therefore, by harassing someone into eating something they've cooked and then undoubtedly asking the follow up question "How is it? Do you like it?" and getting the response they want to hear makes them feels better about themselves, and allows them to go back to their moms and say "I can cook mom! Your not the only one!". However, once again, I will take the bold stand and tell you that if a guy does not want to eat your cooking, he probably is really full and has already eaten, or just doesn't like the way your food tastes. However, most men I know would rather eat two meals, than have to spend time in the dog house.

3. They take the phrase "The fastest way to a man's heart is his stomach" literally
- I'm convinced that if a woman thinks a guy is a catch, well than to keep him from going anywhere all you have to do is fatten him up! Its evil, its cruel, but it keeps that one-of-a-kind guy in your posession. They think that by expanding his waist line, he will expand his heart.

In any case, Indian women have always been, and probably always will be concerned about what you ate. So the next time you come across one, be prepared.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Arranged Marriages

"Dude, how can you marry someone without knowing them?" If you're Indian, and you grew up in America, there is a good chance that at some point in your life, a friend of yours that is not Indian may have asked you this question, and legitimately so. Even if you are Indian, the concept of Arranged Marriage is pretty freaky. The idea of having to spend the rest of your life with someone you never met before can be quite daunting. What I find hilarious, is that in today's day and age people simply try to make the whole thing out to be something that is common and not a big deal. Just take a look at this ad below:

They encourage you to "Discover love, in an arranged marriage". Let me be the first to say, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Telling someone to "discover love" in an arranged marriage, is kind of like telling someone to discover the price of their new car after they've bought it. To me, having an arranged marriage is kind of like buying a car without knowing the price. There is a chance that after you buy it under the hood can be a great v12 engine, or there is a chance that you are left with a piece of crap that will not work, and you will have to pay for it the rest of your life.

People who really "believe" in the arranged marriage system, will tell you all these statistics about how people who got married this way tend to stay together. In my opinion, there are lies, damn lies, and there are statistics. Once again, if you bought a brand new car and got ripped off, there is a good chance that you are gonna tell all your buddies about how much you love your car and you won't admit to them how much you got ripped off. I think when it comes to arranged marriages, it probably works the same way. If you married someone that lays around like a sack of potatoes in bed during sex, doesn't contribute to the income, and is a constant pain in your ass, you will probably tell your friends she's a freak in the sack, "finishing up" med school, and has dinner waiting for you when you get home.

I'm not saying arranged marriages can't work, I'm simply saying that people tend to exaggerate how well they work. I know plenty of people who met through the arranged marriage system and are happy, and I know plenty who have been burned. All I'm saying, is that you will have a better idea of what your getting yourself into if you test drive it first.