Saree Shopping: Lessons for Life

              I have a friend who sells software for a living.  It’s not what he set out to do, but it’s where life brought him, and he happens to be pretty good at it.  He was talking to me about how he had a pretty important pitch meeting coming up with a potential new client, and he was just telling me some of the approaches he was planning on taking for this particular client.  We talked about establishing the problems the client currently faces, and how their current operation is lacking, and then to immediately explain how his software would help.  He bounced several ideas past me, and then ultimately the big day came.
              He called me after the meeting.  Immediately I asked “How did it go?”  “I’m not sure” he replied.  He explained to me how he flawlessly executed everything we were talking about.  “I identified where the client was having problems, and they confirmed that what I was saying was correct.”  He told me that he thought he had the client right where he wanted them, and then proceeded right into his demo.  During his demo he showed how his software could execute the things that the company was currently not able to do.  As far as he can tell, he was right about the problem, and he offered and excellent solution.  He had anticipated that the client would likely haggle him over pricing, but that he figured all clients haggle over pricing.  He explained to me “I did my demo, and I asked them if there was anything else, I can explain.”  The client then told my friend that his software was nice, but there was other software that had similar features.  My friend had anticipated this and was well prepared.  He explained where those other software systems were lacking as it relates to their problem, and how his solution was better for the client.
              Finally, I asked my friend, “What’s the bottom line?  Are they interested in your software or not?”  To which my friend responded, “I’m honestly not sure and I’m truly confused.”  Apparently, the client during the entire demo had told my friend how his software was not that great, and how the other software systems are just fine for what they are doing.  My friend thought that he had lost the client, and right before the call ended the client asked my friend if they are able to provide a free demo for one week.  I responded to my friend and I told him “your client was basically saree shopping”.  My friend laughed and had no idea what I was talking about.  “Let me explain” I said.
              Nowadays when you walk into a fancy saree store in India, everything is electronic, and they accept credit cards.  However, when I grew up that was not the case.  Everything was a cash transaction.  As a kid, I had to spend hours in these shops because my mom, like most Indian ladies I know, need to see everything before deciding which saree they want.  Having spent countless hours in these stores, I started noticing some interesting trends and behaviors.  
              First rule of saree shopping: never admit you are saree shopping.  It sounds crazy, but I would walk into these massive department stores that only sold sarees in India, and some salesperson would say “Welcome ma’am, are you shopping for a saree today?”, and my mother would always say the same thing.  “We are not going to buy any sarees today; we are only looking”.  As I got older, I thought this was the most insane thing in the world.  Why the hell would anyone go into a store that sold only one thing, and not admit they are interested in buying that thing.  It turns out, it’s simply to set the terms of the deal.
              Second rule of saree shopping: nothing is ever good enough.  Now if you have never been to a saree shop, you must understand they have an endless assortment of fabrics, prints, and styles.  I mean, you could literally spend hours in one of these stores, and not get through all the sarees.  Yet, nothing they ever had was some how ever good enough.  If the person brought a saree that had a pattern that my mom liked, she would complain about the material.  Then the sales guy would bring another saree with the material exactly in line with what my mom complained about on the previous saree and my mom would complain about the pattern or the color.  This poor bastard simply could not win.  Nothing he did was ever going to be good enough.  The excuses that my mom came up with as to why she didn’t like a particular saree were even more creative and impressive.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen here rub a piece of fabric between her thumb and her finger and say something like “the quality of the silk is not good on this one”.  I mean this seems like a gift a superhero would have.  She somehow tried to convince everyone in shop that she had the ability to rub a piece of fabric and determine thread count!  Yet, it happened all the time. 
              Third rule of saree shopping: you never let them put a saree back.  Imagine if you will, a saree salesman going through 40 or 50 sarees and constantly being told that there is something wrong with them.  In certain cases, he would bring his colleague who was also a male, to drape the saree on himself so that my mom could get a better visual of the pattern.  So 40 or 50 sarees are opened up, and then maybe 20 or 30 of them get draped on another dude, and then after all of that effort they receive a negative comment, or a back handed compliment such as “that saree is nice if your into last year’s prints”.  At this point the salesman looked pretty defeated, and then it happened.  The moment that ever saree salesman waits for.  The salesman would ask my mom “ma’am, since you didn’t like any of these shall I clear them from here?”.  That’s when my mom would say “No, don’t clear all of them out.  Let’s place these 10 on the side”.   This is the moment when the salesman knew that he was going to make a sale, and almost always gave him a sudden burst of energy.  “Ma’am shall I have my colleague get some chai or fresh juice for you and your son?”  “Some chai for me, and a bottle of water for my son” my mom would say.  The transaction was on!  Now, it is absolutely critical that my mom did not commit to purchasing any saree at this point.  You must remember the language was always the same and it was always used carefully.  “Place them to the side” was the official message.  For the salesman, I imagine, it’s kind of like going up to a girl and telling her she is pretty, and she responds by saying “I like your shirt”.  You didn’t get her phone number, but you were not told to get lost. 
              Fourth rule of saree shopping: never admit to the quality of a product.  When a store has thousands of sarees, eventually you come across an amazing saree.  The attention to detail is undeniable, the fabric is phenomenal, and it is absolutely perfect.  I always noticed a handful of these sarees came out during every transaction.  After the sarees were set aside, and my mom would tell the salesman she is not interested in looking at any more sarees, and wants to think about the ones she asked to be set aside, the salesman would say “Ma’am may I show you just one more saree”?  Of course, my mom would say yes, and that is when they did it.  A procession of salesman brought out The Saree.  They carried it and handled it with such reverence like they were holding the Mona Lisa in their hands.  They would carefully unveil this saree.  It was always magical.  The colors, the way it draped, the patterns it was all simply astonishing.  Yet my mom would remain strong, and simply not admit the quality of the product was phenomenal.  The salesman always waited for the right time to unveil this saree.  The salesman was using a combination of “saree fatigue” along with the fact that he knew he saved the best for last.  So, they would bring out this saree, they would drape it.  My mom had an unconscious smile on her face, and then the salesman would say “ma’am shall I set this one aside for you”?  My mom is a strong woman, but you must understand a beautiful saree is a strong woman’s kryptonite, and that’s when it happened.  “You can set this one aside but show me what other sarees you have like this one”.  It was usually at this moment my father and I cringed, because we knew we were going to be there for another 30 minutes. 
              Fifth rule of saree shopping: never admit that the product is worth the price.  So, we have gone through the vicious cycle of sarees being opened, sarees being draped, sarees being insulted, and sarees being set aside.  The salesman would then start saying “For the sarees you’ve set aside it will cost 30,000 rupees”.  “30,000 rupees!”  My mother would scream.  “I can get a better-quality product from your competitor at half the price”.  “These sarees are not worth more than 1,000 rupees”.  This usually was the start of the pricing gang war.  Similar to a car dealership, the manager of the saree salesman would come out, along with a gang of other salesmen.  At this time, my dad, and my uncles who were probably about to dose off got up and stepped up to the saree salesmen and the manager.  “Ma’am, 1,000 rupees is an insult.  We will work with you, how about 29,500 rupees?”.  My uncle would then say “sir, these folks may be from America, but I live here, and you know damn well these sarees aren’t worth 29,500 rupees.  Sanjay from the Saree Emporium can get me all these same sarees for 1,500 rupees”.  The salesman would say “if you want inferior quality you can go to the Saree Emporium, we here at the Saree Palace take great pride in our quality.  I will offer you these 12 sarees for no less than 28,000 rupees”.  Okay, let’s meet in the middle my father would say, how about “15,000 rupees?”  At this point, my mom would tell my dad to shut up, because 15,000 rupees was too high of a price.  All of this back/forth would go on for another 20 minutes.  Finally, we would agree to a per saree price, but they would usually throw in 2-3 more sarees at the same price. 
              In the end a sale was made.  It took several hours, and a lot of effort, but a sale was made.  My mother always ends up buying.  She knows it, the salespeople know it, but the dance has to be done.  You see, the saree buying process is reflective of Indian society as a whole.  Indians LOVE to negotiate.  Therefore, the entire process is all about setting terms and expectations until you reach a point where a deal can be struck. 
              So, I explained all the above to my friend, and I told him, your client is nothing more than a saree shopper.  They want your product, but they don’t want to pay what you want them to pay for it.  All they are doing is setting the terms.  “Can I have a free demo?” sounds like the software sales equivalent of “set these sarees aside”.  Now that you know this, start the dance.