Ah yes, the days of being single. When you can grind up on anyone you want, say anything you want, and not have anyone to answer to the next day except your buddy who is only there to tell you all the details that you couldn't remember in your inebriated state of mind. Its a beautiful thing - the single life. I highly recommend everyone try it at least once. Just so you know why its necessary to have a significant other to accomplish progress in life. Otherwise, if I didn't have anyone pushin me, I'd probably be found laying on the floor with my receipts from last night, with dollar bills crumpled in my pockets, and a weird taste of hookah, budweiser, and Ciroc taking turns dancing on my taste buds. It would be wonderful, but it wouldn't be productive.
Being "The Indian Guy", I want to take a moment to school some of you rookie guys on a mistake you are bound to make when you go from being single to being in a relationship. When you're single and you go out, its no holds barred. Everyone is up for grabs (sometimes literally), and you go out there and make a fool of yourself. You can use all the cheesy pick-up lines, and work all your "game" and its okay. Your a nut-case, and in many cases you might even be "that guy". You know, the one who makes a fool of himself by drinking too much, but usually ends up creating situations where everyone has fun. All of this is well, and good, and even encouraged.
One of the biggest tools in your arsenal when you're single is your ability to dance. If you can move, and you look descent, and smell okay, there is a good chance a young lady might let you bang your crotch against her caboose. Again, this is well and good, and even encouraged. If you're not a social retart there is even a good chance that you have a group of people you go out with that is a mix of boys/girls. Some of those girls are "just friends" and some of them are girlfriends of friends and you know these girls are "off limit" or "out of bounds". However, after a few drinks, they get all silly with you and dance with you in a flirtatious manner knowing that you mean no harm. Again, nothing wrong with this as long as its just fun and silliness. Usually, if your single for a long time, this becomes a re-occurring thing. Where you go out with your friends, and their girlfriends, and your "girl friends" and you get drunk and dance with them and nothing happens. Sometimes it may get risque, but you never cross the line. At some point, its no big deal and it just becomes part of your behaviour. Taking a shot of soco and lime, then "booty-bumping" your boy's girlfriend is a funny joke.
Then one day you get a girlfriend.
Everything changes.
However, you are a moron, and you don't change! Trust me fellas, this is a classic way to get into your first fight with your new girlfriend. On one hand, you had fun being single, on the other hand, you enjoy sex with another human being.
Most guys after dating the new girl for a while want to bring her around to meet their friends and their girlfriends. So you all get together, and you go out, and old habits die hard. Before you know it, your taking a Soco & Lime shot and booty-bumping your friend's girlfriend again! Big mistake.
What's worst, is that most men don't realize how territorial women can be. In many instances, your "girl friends" or your buddy's girlfriend's had you on demand. If they came up to you and started dancing you would follow suit, because you were single and had nothing else to do. Now, that you have a girlfriend, they will still try the same things, and your dumb ass will forget about your new girlfriend and probably go dancing with them. However, if you do not, and decide to stay with your girlfriend, than it just agitates them even more because they can't have you "on demand" and they start using every man's kryptonite. Provocative gyration of the female body.
Now, if your a veteran of the game, you keep cool and allow your girlfriend to start making out with you in front of them, and thereby claiming her territory (kind of like a dog peeing on a tree). However, there's a good chance your an idiot, and will go dance with your buddy's girlfriend or your "girl friend". In which case, that will be the girl who has claimed her territory. If its the latter, than I'm sorry to say, you are not getting laid by your new girlfriend. Someone just took over the tree she is supposed to pee on, and she ain't happy. Undoubtedly, you will not be allowed to see your friends for a while, and will probably have to do something to make up for it such as go tampon shopping with her.
In either case, I strongly urge all guys that are new in a relationship to be conscious of how stupid you really are and were when you were single. You may think that you are more mature, but "Frank the Tank" is still in there somewhere, and you never know when he will come out. Be smart, and you will be rewarded in the form of fornication, otherwise, its back to the drawing board.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Monday, July 7, 2008
Speed Dating
So being a 27 year old single guy in the NY/NJ area can be a lot of fun. However, it can also be very challenging. As a guy your getting to that point where your parents are tired of seeing your ass not married, but you are kind of loving the freedom to do what you want, when you want. But at the same time you also realize that you ain't getting any younger, and an honest effort to find that special someone is definitely a personal obligation. So how do we go about fulfilling this obligation? Most of us tirelessly attend a smorgasbord of bars/clubs and hope that within the drunken chaos and late-night meals we may find that "special someone" thinking perhaps the woman of your dreams that you can bring home to mom, may be brought by fate to puke upon your shoes, and while holding her hair you may realize she is "special". Others start attending more family functions, and some will even start attending religious ceremonies more regularly.
However, one of the most effective things you can do is speed dating. It creates a medium where you can actually get to know someone and yet keeps things familiar because your still "out" so you are not out of your element and may even feel comfortable using a pickup line such as "I put the S-T-D in STUD but all I need is U". So not too long ago, I decided to attend such an event. I tried to convince some of my friends to join me, but none of them agreed to come, so I ventured it alone. I soon realized that I was the only idiot who showed up to this thing without a friend. I then, proceeded to call my buddy D. "D, what you doin? Its 9 PM, I need to call in a favor" I panicked into my cell phone. "I'm sleeping bro, I had a rough night last night, what's up". "Dude, I'm at this speed dating thing for South Asians, and I totally need a wing man." "Alright, I'll be there, but just because its you and I feel bad for you since you were dumb enough to show up to this thing alone".
Thank god for friends like D. Without him, I would've been the creepy guy whose drinking by himself with no friends. I'm sure the ladies would've been lining up. So my buddy shows up on about 3 hours of sleep, and in just an "I don't give a fuck" kind of mood. The whole time I was eye-ing down this cutie. For some reason, I thought that if I stared at her long enough and hard enough she would notice me and think "Gee, there's a guy I can make out with". As it turns out I don't have super powers and she didn't turn towards me. So then, I did the next best thing and said Hi and struck up a small conversation. Soon thereafter, the speed dating was about to begin. Now the way it works is you go on like 15 - 20, three-minute dates. The girls sit there, and the guys rotate. The whole time you are just a number and a name. If at the end of the whole thing you liked a girl you can circle her name on your card, and if she likes you she can circle yours. If 2 people circle each other they both get emailed.
I'm a few drinks in now, and the cutie is looking even better. She sits down at one of the tables. Trying not to seem to desperate I wait, and try to box out any other dude going in that direction. Luckily for me, my friend D, happens to be a big dude, so he helps me in creating the spacious barrier. After a few moments I approach her table and sit down. We start chatting, and hit it off pretty well. She falls for some of my jokes, and I'm doing pretty damn good. I use a smooth pick up line such as "is it me, or were you just about to ask me to make out?" "Well, if you were, you should know I don't typically agree to such propositions, but I'd be willing to help you out". I told her it was the one place where I could get away with saying something like that, and still know that at least 15 other girls will be talking to me, so I figured why not take advantage of the opportunity?
The bell rang, and my time with her was up. I proceeded on to the other dates, but I kept glancing back at her. Meanwhile, my buddy was a few Johnny-Walker blacks in, and he had no sleep. The social filter of what to say and what not to say was officially left at home. He sat down next to a girl, and soon realized they didn't have much in common. Being the smooth guy that he is he states "Listen honey, let's be honest there's nothing going on here and I really don't have anything interesting to tell you. If you like I can lie and make up a good story, but the girl sitting next to us is by herself, why don't we make this a 3-way conversation?" While he was "on a date" with one girl he started talking to another! He probably proposed an inappropriate topic such as "Sex - sport or art?" because before I knew it the 3 of them were laughing and seemed to be having a good time.
So I was cruising from date to date proposing interesting questions such as "when was the last time you had a great nap?" or "would you go lesbo for Angelina Jolie?" Finally I was on my way to the last date, and I totally caught the cutie checkin me out! It was the best part of my night, I thought I was in. I mumbled my way through the last date and I think I told her something like "Oh yeah, I'm a plastic surgeon. My specialty happens to be breast enhancement. Not to say that you need any work done, but if your interested we can certainly talk", not realizing that I just used a line that I reserve for the strip clubs. The dating was done and the drinks were flowing at the bar. By now, D had become friends with everybody in the bar, and was quite the spectacle. It was kind of a weird scene because he was calling people out and they were loving it. Its kind of like that scene in Liar Liar when Jim Carrey starts telling people things like "get a new toupee, lose some weight, and do something about your mustache lady!" It was exactly like that, but it was a bunch of girls and they were eating it up.
Afterwards, D and I went to a few other bars, grabbed some food and called it a night. The next day, I went to a happy hour, and the cutie from the night before was there. However, before I could approach her some dude had cornered her. She gave me a smile, and I smiled back, and ended up chugging a healthy vodka tonic. I ended up meeting some other girls, and in fact did get another girl's phone number that night. However, my mind was still set on this one cutie. A few days passed, and I figured I hadn't made the cut.
Then it happened. At about 2:30 AM my phone goes off showing I received an email. It was from the speed dating thing. The cutie had circled me! I couldn't even sleep after that. I tried doing some sit-ups to get a last minute 6-pack thinking for some reason I would see her tomorrow and perhaps even get lucky. I waited a day or so to make sure I didn't seem desperate and sent her an email suggesting to meet up for a drink. She found me on facebook, and be-friended me and I thought things were going awesome. I then get the message being told, that I'm too young for her. I was shocked! I've heard some bad rejection lines, the most common being "I have a boyfriend", but to be told I was too young was just embarrassing. I then found out she was 32, and I was indeed too young for her which gave me some shred of pride. I thought about convincing her I can read at a 32-year old level, but I don't think that would've worked so well. So I settled for friendship, and haven't heard from her since.
By the way, if you're interested in the speed dating you can go to www.flirteve.com and sign up. Its really cool, and they often host unique events in Manhattan such as wine or chocolate tastings, and are now spreading to other metropolitan areas. Its a great way to meet people, but I can't promise the pickup lines will be as smooth as the ones mentioned in this article. All in all, its an excellent experience and definately time well spent. I would highly recommend them for a night out that's unique and memorable.
However, one of the most effective things you can do is speed dating. It creates a medium where you can actually get to know someone and yet keeps things familiar because your still "out" so you are not out of your element and may even feel comfortable using a pickup line such as "I put the S-T-D in STUD but all I need is U". So not too long ago, I decided to attend such an event. I tried to convince some of my friends to join me, but none of them agreed to come, so I ventured it alone. I soon realized that I was the only idiot who showed up to this thing without a friend. I then, proceeded to call my buddy D. "D, what you doin? Its 9 PM, I need to call in a favor" I panicked into my cell phone. "I'm sleeping bro, I had a rough night last night, what's up". "Dude, I'm at this speed dating thing for South Asians, and I totally need a wing man." "Alright, I'll be there, but just because its you and I feel bad for you since you were dumb enough to show up to this thing alone".
Thank god for friends like D. Without him, I would've been the creepy guy whose drinking by himself with no friends. I'm sure the ladies would've been lining up. So my buddy shows up on about 3 hours of sleep, and in just an "I don't give a fuck" kind of mood. The whole time I was eye-ing down this cutie. For some reason, I thought that if I stared at her long enough and hard enough she would notice me and think "Gee, there's a guy I can make out with". As it turns out I don't have super powers and she didn't turn towards me. So then, I did the next best thing and said Hi and struck up a small conversation. Soon thereafter, the speed dating was about to begin. Now the way it works is you go on like 15 - 20, three-minute dates. The girls sit there, and the guys rotate. The whole time you are just a number and a name. If at the end of the whole thing you liked a girl you can circle her name on your card, and if she likes you she can circle yours. If 2 people circle each other they both get emailed.
I'm a few drinks in now, and the cutie is looking even better. She sits down at one of the tables. Trying not to seem to desperate I wait, and try to box out any other dude going in that direction. Luckily for me, my friend D, happens to be a big dude, so he helps me in creating the spacious barrier. After a few moments I approach her table and sit down. We start chatting, and hit it off pretty well. She falls for some of my jokes, and I'm doing pretty damn good. I use a smooth pick up line such as "is it me, or were you just about to ask me to make out?" "Well, if you were, you should know I don't typically agree to such propositions, but I'd be willing to help you out". I told her it was the one place where I could get away with saying something like that, and still know that at least 15 other girls will be talking to me, so I figured why not take advantage of the opportunity?
The bell rang, and my time with her was up. I proceeded on to the other dates, but I kept glancing back at her. Meanwhile, my buddy was a few Johnny-Walker blacks in, and he had no sleep. The social filter of what to say and what not to say was officially left at home. He sat down next to a girl, and soon realized they didn't have much in common. Being the smooth guy that he is he states "Listen honey, let's be honest there's nothing going on here and I really don't have anything interesting to tell you. If you like I can lie and make up a good story, but the girl sitting next to us is by herself, why don't we make this a 3-way conversation?" While he was "on a date" with one girl he started talking to another! He probably proposed an inappropriate topic such as "Sex - sport or art?" because before I knew it the 3 of them were laughing and seemed to be having a good time.
So I was cruising from date to date proposing interesting questions such as "when was the last time you had a great nap?" or "would you go lesbo for Angelina Jolie?" Finally I was on my way to the last date, and I totally caught the cutie checkin me out! It was the best part of my night, I thought I was in. I mumbled my way through the last date and I think I told her something like "Oh yeah, I'm a plastic surgeon. My specialty happens to be breast enhancement. Not to say that you need any work done, but if your interested we can certainly talk", not realizing that I just used a line that I reserve for the strip clubs. The dating was done and the drinks were flowing at the bar. By now, D had become friends with everybody in the bar, and was quite the spectacle. It was kind of a weird scene because he was calling people out and they were loving it. Its kind of like that scene in Liar Liar when Jim Carrey starts telling people things like "get a new toupee, lose some weight, and do something about your mustache lady!" It was exactly like that, but it was a bunch of girls and they were eating it up.
Afterwards, D and I went to a few other bars, grabbed some food and called it a night. The next day, I went to a happy hour, and the cutie from the night before was there. However, before I could approach her some dude had cornered her. She gave me a smile, and I smiled back, and ended up chugging a healthy vodka tonic. I ended up meeting some other girls, and in fact did get another girl's phone number that night. However, my mind was still set on this one cutie. A few days passed, and I figured I hadn't made the cut.
Then it happened. At about 2:30 AM my phone goes off showing I received an email. It was from the speed dating thing. The cutie had circled me! I couldn't even sleep after that. I tried doing some sit-ups to get a last minute 6-pack thinking for some reason I would see her tomorrow and perhaps even get lucky. I waited a day or so to make sure I didn't seem desperate and sent her an email suggesting to meet up for a drink. She found me on facebook, and be-friended me and I thought things were going awesome. I then get the message being told, that I'm too young for her. I was shocked! I've heard some bad rejection lines, the most common being "I have a boyfriend", but to be told I was too young was just embarrassing. I then found out she was 32, and I was indeed too young for her which gave me some shred of pride. I thought about convincing her I can read at a 32-year old level, but I don't think that would've worked so well. So I settled for friendship, and haven't heard from her since.
By the way, if you're interested in the speed dating you can go to www.flirteve.com and sign up. Its really cool, and they often host unique events in Manhattan such as wine or chocolate tastings, and are now spreading to other metropolitan areas. Its a great way to meet people, but I can't promise the pickup lines will be as smooth as the ones mentioned in this article. All in all, its an excellent experience and definately time well spent. I would highly recommend them for a night out that's unique and memorable.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Inter-cultural Relationships
So I recently came across this website where singles can go and meet other singles (no, I wasn't on the prowl - I swear). In this particular ad an Indian guy is looking to meet a white girl. Check it out:
I think Inter-cultural relationships is probably a better term for this than interracial (because Indians are actually considered caucasians), but also because sometimes if your Indian, dating a person from another part of the country can be just as difficult.
So in any case, I'd like to take a moment and help this poor bastard out. First of all he starts his ad by saying he's "attractive". That to me raises red flags right there. If I'm correct, shouldn't the other person decide if your attractive? Then he goes on to claim he is a "British Born Indian guy" which to me sounds like he's saying "Hey, I'm so white on the inside you won't notice I'm brown on the outside". However, he gets caught in his lie when he uses the phrase "would love to go out with a white girl as it is my preference". This is where the gig is up buddy! If you were really a British born Indian guy you'd say something like "because it is my preference", the fact that you said "as it is my preference" proves to me just how much of a Mumbai-born recently immigrated to Britain guy you really are! I work with plenty of Indians and they all have one thing in common - they don't ever use the word "because" they simply use "as" instead. I think I just found a Mumbain-born Indian guy who has migrated to Britain, and is hoping to get his freak on with the "mystical" white girls which he's only seen on youtube clips and heard stories of through migrated friends. What's worst is he finishes off his strong candidacy by asking "Do white women find Indian guys attractive?" What are you thinking?!? Is that even a question? Of course they do buddy, but your not one of em apparently.
All I'm saying is that if you want to attract a white girl or a black girl, or any other non-Indian girl, I'd start by making a strong bold statement. Perhaps something like "I'm the Indian son of the man who invented the Kama Sutra, and I'm starting a new practice here in London. I"m looking to share my knowledge with attractive and interested students who are (non-Indian / cultural preference) females between the ages of 21 - 30, who are comfortable with their bodies and spirituality. Flexibility and an un-inhibited personality is preferred". I mean you figure with something like this you might at least get a curiosity bang.
The point I'm trying to make here, is that inter-cultural relationships are not easy, but they can also be fun since in today's information age, we are learning about other people at a much faster pace. But the one thing that remains universally true, is that if a guy wants to get a girl, he's gotta be confident and comfortable with who he is, before he can get to know her no matter where she's from, or what color her skin is.
I think Inter-cultural relationships is probably a better term for this than interracial (because Indians are actually considered caucasians), but also because sometimes if your Indian, dating a person from another part of the country can be just as difficult.
So in any case, I'd like to take a moment and help this poor bastard out. First of all he starts his ad by saying he's "attractive". That to me raises red flags right there. If I'm correct, shouldn't the other person decide if your attractive? Then he goes on to claim he is a "British Born Indian guy" which to me sounds like he's saying "Hey, I'm so white on the inside you won't notice I'm brown on the outside". However, he gets caught in his lie when he uses the phrase "would love to go out with a white girl as it is my preference". This is where the gig is up buddy! If you were really a British born Indian guy you'd say something like "because it is my preference", the fact that you said "as it is my preference" proves to me just how much of a Mumbai-born recently immigrated to Britain guy you really are! I work with plenty of Indians and they all have one thing in common - they don't ever use the word "because" they simply use "as" instead. I think I just found a Mumbain-born Indian guy who has migrated to Britain, and is hoping to get his freak on with the "mystical" white girls which he's only seen on youtube clips and heard stories of through migrated friends. What's worst is he finishes off his strong candidacy by asking "Do white women find Indian guys attractive?" What are you thinking?!? Is that even a question? Of course they do buddy, but your not one of em apparently.
All I'm saying is that if you want to attract a white girl or a black girl, or any other non-Indian girl, I'd start by making a strong bold statement. Perhaps something like "I'm the Indian son of the man who invented the Kama Sutra, and I'm starting a new practice here in London. I"m looking to share my knowledge with attractive and interested students who are (non-Indian / cultural preference) females between the ages of 21 - 30, who are comfortable with their bodies and spirituality. Flexibility and an un-inhibited personality is preferred". I mean you figure with something like this you might at least get a curiosity bang.
The point I'm trying to make here, is that inter-cultural relationships are not easy, but they can also be fun since in today's information age, we are learning about other people at a much faster pace. But the one thing that remains universally true, is that if a guy wants to get a girl, he's gotta be confident and comfortable with who he is, before he can get to know her no matter where she's from, or what color her skin is.
Monday, June 9, 2008
On-line Dating
So recently more and more people I know have turned to on-line dating. It seems to be a popular trend that is now infiltrating the Indian culture of America. For many Indians this is new and unexplored territory. For many of us we had limited options to find our soulmates -
1. Meet them in high school / college & date them for many many years and then marry them
2. Meet them in temple and date them for many many years and then marry them
3. Meet them thru parents, and date them for 48 hours and marry them
Finally, the most common
4. Aimlessly wander about at night clubs and bars until in that fateful moment you puke on your beloved's shoes, and decide that they will be yours for the rest of your days. You date them for a few months and rush into something completely unprepared.
But now, everything's changed. On-line dating has come and changed the whole game up. You can totally be yourself and post an air-brushed picture of you with the right light and trick people into thinking you really do look like a movie star first thing in the morning. You can share your hobbies such as cooking (however, I find it odd that no one enjoys cleaning). You can tell people how your fun-loving, and have a sense of humor - but only if its you making the joke.
All in all, I'd say on-line dating is a good thing for the Indian community and the world in general. I think it does everyone a favor because now people can be who they want to be instead of who they actually are.
1. Meet them in high school / college & date them for many many years and then marry them
2. Meet them in temple and date them for many many years and then marry them
3. Meet them thru parents, and date them for 48 hours and marry them
Finally, the most common
4. Aimlessly wander about at night clubs and bars until in that fateful moment you puke on your beloved's shoes, and decide that they will be yours for the rest of your days. You date them for a few months and rush into something completely unprepared.
But now, everything's changed. On-line dating has come and changed the whole game up. You can totally be yourself and post an air-brushed picture of you with the right light and trick people into thinking you really do look like a movie star first thing in the morning. You can share your hobbies such as cooking (however, I find it odd that no one enjoys cleaning). You can tell people how your fun-loving, and have a sense of humor - but only if its you making the joke.
All in all, I'd say on-line dating is a good thing for the Indian community and the world in general. I think it does everyone a favor because now people can be who they want to be instead of who they actually are.
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