Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Stank Profile

I've come to the conclusion that although we are all unique as humans, as cultures we have several traits that help identify us and provide a common thread for people of a certain background, creed, or location. I am not a racist, or any kind of ..-cist, however I've realized that different people have different odors...which I like to call the Stank Profile.

Where did this genius revelation come from you might ask? Well, it happened yesterday evening when I was at the Ft. Lauderdale airport Chili's restaurant grabbing a bite to eat waiting for my flight to arrive. I was eating my chips, and blackbean burger, when out of no where a gentleman comes next to me and asks if the seat next to me at the bar was available. It was so I said "Its all yours". I then returned to take another bite into my veggie heaven sandwhiched between to pieces of bread with just the right amount of hot sauce, and it happened. A nauseating odor had infiltrated my nostrils. It was highly repulsive yet familiar. Then I realized, I recognized this odor from the gym. It was the stank of an African-American man-sweat (my buddy that used to spot me at the gym, stank like this all the time after some cardio).

In that instant, not only did I abandon my meal, pay my bill, and get out of there, I also realized that we as humans have a stank profile. This is the general profile of odor we emit when our deoderants and anti-perspirants have failed us. I've narrowed them down to the following:

Indians - A combination of paprika, lemon juice, & diarrhea

Blacks (by this I mean those from the islands as well as Africa...I don't mean this in a racist way) - a combination of sweat, rotten lettuce, & stale beer

Whites (non-Jewish) - a combination of burnt hot dogs, puke, and olives

Whites (Jewish) - a combination of spoiled cabbage, wet hair, and mayonnaise

Hispanic - a combination of refried-bean-fart, jalapenos, & Taco Bell meat

Oriental - a combination of burnt-oil, cough syrup, and onions

I hope I did not offend anyone by this, I was hoping to offend everyone equally. Actually, if your honest with yourself, you may even find some truth in these observations.

2 comments:

Far said...

OH lord i REALLY hope i dont smell like the rest of my race if your observations are correct lol...

The Indian Guy said...

At first I too was afraid of "the stench". Then I realized my mom's Indian cooking just couldn't be contained inside my pores lol.

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